My Hatred, My Obsession
by Kyndred
Summary: She had seen his one moment of weakness, and he hated her for it. He tried to kill her, and she defended herself, hating him even more. But when he saw her so near death that night, he knew that he could not let her go. (Being Rewritten and Completed!)
1. How I Hate You

**To answer the hundreds of questions you guys might have - Yes, I have decided to work on this story once again :)**

**It's been long while since I last wrote anything for it, but I'm still getting tons of reviews and PM's asking me to continue.**

**So, I am going through it, cleaning up various things to match it to my current writing style, and will be posting chapters as I edit them. **

** I hope you will enjoy the read ^_^**

* * *

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 1 - How I Hate You**

* * *

He was bleeding - bleeding badly.

Pain dominated his face; it ruled him.

She had never seen him being dominated, and it somehow felt wrong. Hell, the entire situation altogether felt wrong; him on top of her, dripping his blood on her, and her beneath him, staining his claws with her own blood. Perhaps this hallucination could be attributed to the lack of air in her lungs. But that, of course, was his fault. If only he could let her go so that she could regain some of her senses! But that, obviously, would never happen.

No…she would die here. She would die for seeing his one moment of weakness.

Yet her body refused to just give up - refused to deliver her to a place where she could no longer feel the pain he inflicted on her flesh. So she fought - fought him with all her strength. And that was why – before she herself could realize what she had done – he flew backwards from the wave of power her body hurtled at him. And then she was running, clutching at her bleeding shoulder, her left arm handing uselessly at her side. The rain pounded violently against the earth, driving its limbs of freezing water into her, as if trying to prevent for from going any faster. The muddy ground moved under her and she slipped, sliding across the soaked leaves that littered it and adding further injuries to her already quickly mounting list of damage.

Then, she was up and running again, but this time, she felt him following her. He was playing games with her, she realized. Her half-crazed mind drove her forward, her aching legs refusing to stop. It was as though she degraded to the intelligence of a common beast.

'_Danger…danger…run…must get away…'_

In those moments, Kagome ceased to exist. In this insane game of cat and mouse, only the hunter and the hunted remained.

She could feel him breathing down her neck at some points. He would get closer, then back off, get closer, then back off. He teased her, playing with her like a predator before a feast. Only he wasn't just a predator…he was a dog…a very feral and dangerous dog that wanted to kill her.

And then his claws were tearing through the skin on her back. She soared through the air, skidding across the mud and dirt and finally landing several feet away. This time, her legs could hold her no longer.

This time, she knew that she would have to pay…pay for seeing the great Sesshoumaru close to death and showing it.

* * *

(…)

She wasn't sure if she was dead when she opened her eyes and saw the sun. Every morning, she wondered what miracle had kept her alive that night, and why that dream kept coming back to her. Several months had passed since the incident. Like all mornings since the nightmares began several weeks ago, she forced herself awake and started breakfast. Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, and Inuyasha were still sleeping – the hanyou's body looking rather uncomfortable in its half-sitting position. She tried not to make much noise as she started a small fire, grabbed a pot and some bathing articles from her bag and went off to the spring close by to fetch some water. She knew that the others would not be awake for another hour or so yet, so she took her time, enjoying the beautiful scenery that was so common in that era.

She came to the spring before she knew it. For a while, she allowed herself to simply enjoy the sounds of the running water. Kagome removed her loose pajamas and tiptoed into the spring, feeling all her soreness ease. As the fledgeling priestress ran the soap over her body, she felt as if all the nightmares were being washed away. Her shoulder still bore a scar from that time – three claw marks. She dove under the water and quickly rinsed off her hair, doing her best to drive away unwanted memories.

When she got back to the camp, everyone was still asleep. She smiled, feeling that they needed their rest and refraining from waking them. As usual, she prepared to make the group favorite - Ramen. Digging around in her bag yielded a package of instant soup mix, and Kagome decided to try making it with the curly noodles. Pretty soon, the camp was smothered in the delicious smell. Inuyasha, being the most perceptive, woke up first, sniffing the air. Before he could even ask, she walked over and set a bowl of the soup in front of him. When she returned, four hopeful faces were waiting. She handed out the bowls, watching contentedly as they ate and complemented her cooking – although she really hadn't done much. She poured the left-over soup into her own bowl and began to eat even though she wasn't feeling particularly hungry.

As expected, Inuyasha and Shippo got into a fight over the meal, and as was normal, there was much yelling involved between the two. Inuyasha quickly found his place on the ground, his face smashed into the dirt and Shippo happily reached for the hanyou's bowl. His livid enemy retaliated with a rought smack, somehow managing to free himself from his subduing spell long enough to do just that. The kitsune was soon in tears, and that was how Kagome ended up giving away her breakfast.

By the middle of the day, after a tiring trek through a long and barren field, Kagome started to feeling the effects of the lack of food. Inuyasha pushed on, for they had heard rumors of a shard somewhere in this area. The half-demon was hell-bent on finding it at any cost. The sun bore down on her merciless, and she suddenly felt sick. Deciding that she could no longer move until she took a break, Kagome slid her bag to the floor and sat down. The group, their own bodies weary, did not immediately notice Kagome's absence. Sango was the first. She ran back to Kagome when she saw her position and quickly asked her if everything was alright.

"I just think I need a break, Sango-chan." Inuyasha – to everyone's supreme shock – said nothing to berate Kagome for holding them up. In fact, he said nothing altogether to anyone. He simply passed the time staring at the sky while everyone rested. His silence – as deceptive as it was to the others – could not fool the young priestess. She knew what troubled him, but refused to completely acknowledge the problem to herself. Questions ran through her mind, and she realized that perhaps there was another reason for his impatience to move on. But, despite Kagome's reluctance to accept reality, when Inuyasha began to show signs of impatience and restlessness, she knew that she could not deny it any longer.

"Inuyasha…" He didn't turn around.

"What is it?" Even his voice was aloof.

"Go to her, Inuyasha…" This time, he turned around, and neither his eyes nor his voice was empty.

"Kagome…" Sure, she felt bad…but that did not mean that she would keep Inuyasha from doing what he wanted. If he was happy only when he spent time with _her _then she wasn't about to stop him from leaving.

"Go…" As if that word somehow formed a magical blade that cut his leash, he sprinted off, becoming nothing but a red blur in the distance. The silence in the wake of the cool exchange was deafening and uncomfortable. Sango and Miroku both knew that trying to say something would only make matters worse, so they held their tongues. Shippo remained unusually silent as well. Night settled in, and still there was no sign of Inuyasha. Kagome – despite her depressed mood – felt worried.

"Don't worry, Kagome-chan. He'll be back soon." But that was what she'd told herself hours ago. Sango's words did not ease her fear in the least. Not wanting to cause unnecessary unrest in the group, she forced herself to plaster a smile on her face.

"Sango-chan. Would you like to come bathe with me?" Sango didn't say anything about her friend's sudden change of mood. She knew that Kagome could usually – as miraculous as it was – bounce back from many situations with a cheerful disposition. Helpless to resist her natural brightness, the demon-slayer smiled back. "Let's go see if there are any springs nearby."

The young woman waited for Kagome to gather her things, and after asking Miroku to watch the camp, they set off. To their luck, there was indeed a small stream nearby, but to their disappointment, the fridgid waters sucked all pleasure from their impromptu bath. After a quick rinse, Sango decided to broach a subject that she had been thinking about for a long time.

"Kagome-chan…"

"Hm?" They were sitting on a patch of grass, and a gentle breeze blew Kagome's hair to the side, revealing the bright, white, scar on her shoulder. Sango felt a little guilty asking her friend something so personal, but she really wanted to know…

"What happened, that one time?" She knew that Kagome easily understood what she meant, but the priestess was long in answering nonetheless.

"Sesshoumaru…" She said nothing more, leaving her companion in a state of cold disappointment. Somehow, Kagome must have thought that that single word alone could describe everything.

* * *

(…..)

The next morning saw the same routine as all the others, only Kagome felt worse than she had the other day. She once again ended up giving most of her breakfast to Shippo, and as usual, this went unnoticed. Perhaps Kagome should have blamed herself for being so reckless with her health, but she was so tired and ill, that she could do no more than wonder what was wrong. They were passing on the edge of a cliff by midday. Inuyasha's excitement was so tangible that she swore she could see it like an aura around him. Kagome assumed that he sensed a demon nearby, and reached out with her own senses to find it. Her heart lurched in her chest, and she felt dizzy.

"Inuyasha…" she found that she could barely speak. "Two shards…ahead…"

"Gotcha!" He ran forward along with everyone else. She couldn't blame him for not noticing that she wasn't following. After all, she always managed to keep up even if she wasn't riding on his back. But this time, she only managed to whisper for him to wait before she felt herself plummeting over the edge of the cliff and into nothingness.

* * *

(…)

**To be continued very soon!**


	2. What I Hate Most

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 2 – What I Hate Most**

* * *

He was devastated.

Hell, they were all devastated.

How could they have lost her so easily? In their haste to find the jewel fragment, they did not notice that she was gone until it was too late. He searched the entire river for her, tore through the forest, jumping from tree to tree, looking under every bush. Yet, her scent was illusive. Worry etched the lines of his face, and no matter what the others tried to say to reassure him of her safety, he refused to believe. Inuyasha kept continued to feel the nagging guilt building and building…

He had left her alone. Sango told him that she hadn't been feeling well since the previous morning, and he felt terrible – as he usually did – for abandoning her to go to Kikyo. He knew that she understood; that wasn't what he was worried about. She amazed him every time with the great capacity she had in her to forgive and to completely accept his confusion. His last meeting with the dead miko had been a revelation. He realized what a mistake he made by thinking that he still harbored strong feelings for her. Of course, he would always love her; that was not doubtful. His Kikyo had been ripped away from him before their relationship really had a chance to bloom. But he understood when he saw the wariness in her eyes as she backed away from his attention that she had never, and would never really trust him. Could love survive between two beings if mistrust hindered them from symbiosis?

He understood his feelings a bit better now, but that did not mean that he was ready to make a choice. In a way, he felt that he wasn't being fair towards Kagome. They had been together for over five years, and she knew him inside and out. He, on the other hand, knew much about her, but sometimes, he felt like he hadn't even begun to understand her many turns and angles. He knew one thing for sure; Kikyo's dried up into a barren wasteland - one which help no love for him. Happiness and fulfillment illuded him when he stood in her presence; he did not feel comfortable with her. Her eerie silence, pale complexion, lifeless eyes…everything about her made him doubt his feelings. Frustrated with such an unexpected development in the reality of his beliefs, the half-demon threw the subject aside in favor of worry.

Right now, all he wanted was to see Kagome safe…

* * *

(…..)

There could be no doubt about it.

He smelled her scent.

But such a thing was impossible. He had killed her. How could it be that her essense now teased his senses?

He could smell blood along with sandalwood soap and some kind of Gardenia flower, heard the sound of water flowing rapidly, and wondered what she her presence here meant. Sesshoumaru could not detect his brother anywhere near her, and could not feel the holy powers of the monk that usually traveled with them. All in all: the situation made no sense. Out of curiosity, he decided to find out what was going on…

There were few things that made an impact on him; few things that truly him. In most cases, creatures feared him - feared catching his eye unless they harbored a death wish. It was common knowledge that he sought power - hungered for it like some savage beast. And common knowledge hinted that it was better – not to mention safer – to pass by him undetected. If, by some chance, he did happen to see you, you were probably better off paying your respects. After all, he loved being worshipped. Yet, delaying him would serve as a mistake as well. Time was important to him – despite the unlimited quantity he possessed. He hated wasting time on anything, and would not hesitate to steal it from an undeserving victim.

And so he traveled, always wary, distrusting, and cautious, yet completely indifferent to his environment. He sought something that even he could not describe. Power had been his original desire…he needed it more than anything. As time passed, however, he came to the conclusion that power held little significance to one such as he. Sesshoumaru was not old…only six hundred or some years had passed since his birth; only seventy had gone by since his bastard brother's appearance in the world. But, seventy years was still _time, _and as the merciless winds of that great force blew by him – despite the fact that it could not affect him – he could not help but feel a bit intimidated. Ridiculous! Unbelievable! Intolerable! He was supposed to be the master, the _ruler_ of that force. Centuries ahead of him yet! But, if that was so…why did he feel like some useless particle of air, simply floating without a point to its existence?

It was usually when his thoughts were this heavy that he set out to patrol his lands. He liked to keep track of everything that went on on his property. He despised ignorance almost as much as he hated Lords who were busied themselves needlessly - wasting time fooling around when they should be taking care of business on their lands. The common people needed an iron fist to rule them, and he was more than glad to provide it.

But, perhaps what he had seen as a strength within himself was even now turning into a weakness.

He was possessive.

Too possessive.

So possessive, that when he spied her on the bank, he wanted to rip her to shreds for making him experience something so strong.

No, that was wrong.

She was dead. How could he kill something that was already no longer a part of the living world?

He could not!

And so he stood, simply staring endlessly at her. Memories flashed like lighning continuously through his mind's eye. They were so vivid, that he almost felt like he was reliving that night once again. The riverbank dissapeared, the water dried up, and the girl opened her eyes. His imagination took things one step further, sending him spiraling into a memory he'd pushed aside at least a thousand times.

_Her smell engulfed him, her breathing thrilled him, and her wild heartbeat made his blood come to life! The taste of her was magnificent! She was all fire and anger, fighting him, kicking, screaming, hitting him! And her blood tasted sweeter than he imagined! Her breaths reminded him of liquid honey…her lips soft and pliant as the softest petals of a blooming flower. _

Suddenly, reality hit him like a brick in the abdomen. The water on the riverbank returned. The girl's burning eyes closed, and she moved away from him as though escaping her imprisonment without effort. The sand poured back onto the riverbank and rays of daylight illuminated the sky once again. The wind blew his robes gently behind him, and her scent drifted to him like some storm-ravaged victim to an island of salvation. His growl was feral - the anger in it real and thick. How dare she come to taunt him? How dare she live after he had left her for dead? Did she believe that she could move him somehow with her helplessness?

He walked to her and prodded her still form with a foot. She didn't move. Only her blood and shallow breathing stained the air. He made a sound of annoyance in the back of his throat and turned around, fully prepared to abandon her where she she lay prone. Yet, against all odds, he stopped. It was as if he was somehow bound to the woman. He could take no step away, no breath without seeing her. His lust for power suddenly seemed very pale in comparison to his lust for the one and only thing he hated most…

…her…


	3. A Tale of Survival

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 3 – A Tale of Survival**

* * *

The pain was excruciating.

She could never have imagined such a pain. But then again, she had never imagined herself falling off a cliff. Sitting up was a chore. She put her full weight on her arms and pushed herself off the ground. When she finally stood on her feet, she nearly fell back down. Her head spun drunkedly, making the ground rock under her like an airplane that was caught in turbulence. She let out a shaky breath, steadied her body, and looked around. The priestesss already sensed that she was alone, but she wanted to make sure. Yelling for her friends would only give away her position to any unfriendly beasts that might occupy the area, so she gave up that idea quickly. Putting a hand to her forehead, she sighed in resignation.

"Come on, Kagome, you've been in this situation before." She looked around. "I just have to stay alive until that blockhead figures out that I'm gone." She began to reconnoiter the area, seeking out any herbs that might help her sterilize her injuries. She found few that could really do anything more than clean the wound to keep out infection, but she supposed that it was worth a little pain as long as she lived. During her search, she had – thankfully – been able to locate her backpack. After some digging through the soaked parcel, she found what she was looking for. Thank Kami she had listened to Kaede!

She stumbled over to the river, washing out the urn she would use to grind the herbs into a usable powder. When she was satisfied, she tore open the last packet of Aloe she had with her teeth and squeezed it out into the bowl, thanking modern technology for making the plastic that saved that powder from the river water. The grinding took longer than she thought it would, and she cursed her luck when she felt the beginnings of a fever. Deciding that starting a fire was the top priority, she abandoned the herbs in favor making another trip to her bag. The box of matches was soaked clean through, but her lighter still gave off a feeble flame. She quickly gathered some sticks, piling several rocks around them in a circle, and made an effort to light them.

Pretty soon, she realized that the flame wasn't strong enough for the job. She muttered a curse and took out one of her math books, thinking that – since it was ruined from its dunking in the water – it would be useless anyway. She tore out a page that seemed to be dry and put the lighter under it, pressing the button and watching with relief as the page lit up brilliantly. She dropped it on the pile of wood and was satisfied to see that her plan was working. A breeze blew by and she shivered, suddenly realizing that her clothes were still wet. She dumped out the contents of her bag completely, seeing as it was too dark to blindly dig through it with her hand. Her only change of clothing felt cold from its improptu dunking in the water, but not as cold and sopping as the outfit she currenly wore. She quickly stripped, exchanging her underwear, bra, skirt and top for a pair of loose pants and a cotton sweater. She unfolded the towel she always kept in her bag for bathing and tried her best to dry her hair despite the fact that the towel was not the driest of things she had with her. She was glad to see that the fire had grown since night was setting in; the darkness in this era posed too many dangers to just sit around without firelight.

Now the problem was finding something to hang her clothes on. To her luck, there was a sturdy tree not too far from the fire. Kagome hung her clothes on a thin branch, and sighed when it bent downwards and snapped. She looked longingly at a thicker branch, but realized that it was too high for her to reach. Abandoning the idea, she went back to the fire, putting the clothes out to dry on the ground. She unrolled her sleeping bag, which had somehow – miraculously – survived her fall unharmed and used it as a sitting mat. Feeling a bit warmer and more comfortable she went back the herbs, finally mashing the leaves and powder to a satisfying paste. Rubbing it into her multiple scratches, she did her best to reach under her sweater to get to the more serious wounds. Reluctantly, she admitted that she needed to take it off is she was to make any sort of progress. The bandages she had with her dried out while she busied herself with everything, and she used them sparingly. As the herbs worked their magic, her cuts protested with periodic throbs of pain. She winced when she applied the green paste to her abdomen, where a long, shallow, gash ruptured the skin. She must have encountered some rocks during her trip on the rapids. Thank Kami that she was still among the living.

As the cold wind nipped at her, she shuddered, but not so much from the cold as from the sinking feeling of dread in the bottom of her gut. While she had been occupied with staying alive, she nearly forgot how dangerous the feudal era could be at night. Reflecting on that particular knowledge, Kagome hugged herself as loneliness took hold of her emotions. Inuyasha had always been there; she had always known that even if something happened, he would always keep her safe. But, now was different. Now, Inuyasha no longer hovered nearby with acute hearing and a heightened sense of smell. Here, only the simple, human, Kagome sat alone by a dying fire - a girl who could do no more than put up a weak fight against any danger that came her way. Forcefully, she reminded herself that she'd been in scrapes like this before, and that she really had nothing to fear. She still had her bow and arr-

"Kami – sama!" Ignoring the pain that her sharp movements caused, she madly searched the area for her weapons. Running back to the bank, the priestess tried to see anything in the pitch-black darkness. Her knees hit the sand, their owner desperate to find at least _something _that she could use to defend herself. A hiss left her lips when her hands clashed with sharp rocks, but was too scared to stop.

There! Her hand landed on something long and hard. She jerked it back and continued to search.

Yes! Once again, she pulled her hand back. After a few minutes, she gave up when she when she couldn't find anything else. Running back towards the light of the fire, Kagome inspected what she found. Tears were nearly inevitable…

A broken bow and half of an arrow.

In a fit of frustration, she banged her hands on the ground, tossing the arrow away and groaning. The wind picked up its pace, and she chanced a look at the moonlit sky. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Her face fell.

"Just my luck…" She looked around. "O.K, Kagome, think fast. I need a teepee or something. Kami, how I wish I had my tent kit now!" She replaced her sweater and put all the items she previously scattered back into her bag. Her uniform wasn't completely dry so she left it out, but she put away everything except for it and her sleeping bag, which she decided she could use as a makeshift tent. At least its outer layer would keep_ some_ water away. Standing up, she kicked off her shoes and socks to let them dry as much as possible and set out to find a suitable stick to prop up her pathetic excuse for a shelter.

Finding a stick that was long and thick was hard, especially if one was looking for it in pitch black darkness. By the time she found one, Kagome could feel the raindrops falling on her nose and felt tempted to stomp her foot in anger. Why her? Why did everything bad always happen to her? She put aside all thoughts of self-pity for later when the drops gained velocity and quickly dashed back to her camp. Thinking fast, she grabbed a few large and dry leaves on her way, hoping that she could use them to keep her sleeping place dry. Digging the stick into the ground, she hurriedly hung the bag over it and tossed her backpack under the "tent". Gabbing the towel and her uniform last, the girl slid under her sleeping bag, spreading out the leaves and laying out the towel over them. Miserable from the cold and hoping beyond hope that the rain would not get much worse, she waited.

As the night wore on, the fire slowly sputtered and died, leaving Kagome mulling over all sorts of nonsense to keep her fear at bay. She thought with surprise that she never realized how big her sleeping bag was. But, even with its size, it could not keep out all of the rain. By the time the fire went out, Kagome was once again soaked to the bone, and she shivered miserably. Her predicament reminded her a bit of all those survival books her teachers forced her to read in school. She used to think that it would be a lot of fun to switch places with those characters. Now, however, as she felt her fever getting worse, the phrase "be careful what you wish for" taunted her with cruel humor. Most things in those books had worked out. If the main character built a shelter, then the shelter kept out the water. If the person needed a weapon, he usually found one. And certainly, if a person was in need of resources, he could always locate them!

Kagome had to remind herself that she wasn't living in a book, but in real life - a life that was full of traps just like this lying in wait for a helpless victim to come along and hurt them.

Much like _he _had hurt her.

Stupid demon!

What had she ever done to him anyways?

Why had he hurt her?

Seeing something by accident didn't warrant a judgement of execution. It wasn't like she was a blabbermouth…

Demon…silver hair…bright glowing eyes…red outfit…white robes…so similar…yet so different…claws…claws digging into her, hurting her, killing her. She was crying! Why wasn't he stopping? Couldn't he see that she was in pain?

Stop it, Inuyasha! Stop it! But it wasn't Inuyasha! It was Sesshoumaru! _He_ clawed at her - not his brother…

Yet, weren't Inuyasha's actions just as painful?

Before her eyes, he stood with Kikyo - their lips molded together passionately. Then, he looked right at her! _Go away, Kagome…can't you see I'm with who I really want to be with?_ But, don't you need me Inuyasha? I thought you cared about me…even just a little…I thought we were friends… _friends? Of course we're friends, Kagome! I care about you! _She suddenly basked in his warm embrace, happiness flooding her entire being! No! He was throwing her aside! _Kikyo! You're all I want! _Inuyasha? _Kagome! I'll always protect you, Kagome…but Kikyo…she's…_Don't explain Inuyasha! I don't want to do this any more! I'm tired of it! _I'm sorry, Kagome…_sadness tormented his face…he feels bad…he doesn't mean to…but his apologies didn't make her feel better…I know that he can't ever give up on her…_Kagome…I'm sorry…_It's alright, Inuyasha…_No! It's not! I'll never leave you again! _Again, he hugged her to his chest…again, he threw her aside! The jewel! He took it! Inuyasha? _That's all I wanted all this time! I never wanted you here! _His claws wrapped around her throat, chocking her - _burning_ her! So hot! She could barely breathe! Oh Kami help me!

* * *

(…..)

Sesshoumaru had a feeling that she would not live through the night. But strangely, he could not say that he didn't care. As he watched her writhing in her feverish pain, he felt tempted to sympathize with her. She had done well for a human. There were many that could not accomplish half of what she had in such a short amount of time. He watched her from the moment of her awakening. She was a quick thinker: intelligent and efficient. He respected that, but since she was a human, he hesitated to give her such an honor so easily. At first, he simply wanted – out of curiosity – to see what she would do when she found herself alone. He guessed that she would call for help, or perhaps cry as her species was prone to do. But she had done neither.

Her quiet determination struck a cord in him so powerful that he didn't leave despite knowing that he should. He watched carefully as the priestess stubbornly tried again and again to light a fire, hung up her clothing, dried her materials, and even made a shelter. When she began to undress though, her action nearly undid him. He already harbored an abnormal quantity of lust for her, but seeing her bare nearly forced him to leave simply to avoid acting on those vulgar desires. At one point, he could have sworn that she knew of his presence. Her eyes were fearful, as if she sensed that he watched her. But, those same eyes were devoid of recognition, so he assumed that instict - rather than knowledge - fuelled her fear. She reminded him of a small mouse that could sense danger and feared its own shadow. Everything went smoothly for her until the rain came.

Yet, even through _this_ problem, she thought of a solution and worked through it. He followed her movements as buil her shelter and huddled under it, knowing that it would be a failed endeavor from the moment she began. It amused him to see that she knew it too. Despite all odds, however, she didn't prostrate herself before fate or give in to misery. She followed through with whatever she could do to stay alive. Unstoppable - that term defined her in that moment.

The rain increased in volume and intensity as the night deepened, but such a trivial thing was far from bothersome. The barrier around him prevented him from getting wet. He stood still, immobile, continuing to watch the haphazard shelter for any movement. The wind picked up, and he smelled illness. He didn't know why – he never would – but he felt compelled to see for himself what was going on. His suspicions were confirmed. He came to see her nearly naked, writhing on the ground in her fever. Her breathing was harsh and labored; her face contorted into a mask of pain. His mind returned, once again, back to that night when she fought him for her life. She had been livid with anger and ruled by fear. He recalled situations even farther back in time - when she dared to shoot at him, when she refused to give him Tetusaiga, and when she had the audacity to scream for him to join with his brother in the battle for Sou'nga. All those times, she radiated strength and will. Even if she stood at the pinacle of danger, she retained her fierce desire to live. But, the woman that lay before him now was a stranger. She didn't look strong, fiery, or impassioned; she looked weak and helpless. Even though he knew that her powers and strength were no match for higher demons, she had never radiated such helplessness before. Her body tossed and turned, small whimpers of pain periodically escaping her pale lips. She breathed like someone starved for air. Tears ran down her cheeks, hanks of sopping, black, hair plastered to her forehead from sweat and the rain. Shudders wracked her body as though she was cold even though her body temperature was obviously above normal. Her lips moved as if forming words, but none of her speech made any sense. Her hands clenched into small fists, clutching handfuls of the towel she rested on.

The entire image had an unexplainable effect on him. He could not fathom the depths of it, and didn't even try. It would have been useless for a creature that knew nothing in the field of sentiments to try to understand them. He only knew that seeing this woman in such a state caused him great displeasure, and he was not one to leave himself unsatisfied in anything. He decided that he would allow himself this waste of time just once, since not wasting it would be displeasing. He pushed the soaked material off the post that held it up and leaned down, extending his barrier to shield the woman from the driving rain. In the confines of it, the sounds of her pain grew in volume, and he wanted to flinch away from the annoying noise. He refrained, choosing instead to approach the task of waking her. He was loath to touch her at first. All humans were dirty and bathing was not a habit of theirs, but when he scented under the pungent odor of her illness, the medicinal herbs, and blood, he could tell that she was clean. With this in mind, he put his hand on her shoulder and shook her none too gently, for he did not want to take care of her needs with his own hands.

"Stop…please…" the words were so quiet that he thought he imagined them. He continued to shake her.

"Woman…you will wake." She did not, and – ridiculous as it was – it angered him that she refused to obey. "Woman…"

"Inuyasha…" she mumbled incoherently. He growled, jerking his hand back as if burned. She was dreaming of his brother! But of course she was! She was his woman, wasn't she? And why the hell was he brooding over it? He contemplated slapping her, but decided that doing so would be primitive and uncultured. It was something his brother would do, and if that was the case, then he wanted nothing to do with it. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Woman. If you do not awaken, then This Sesshoumaru relieves himself of all will towards your aid." Still, she slept. Damn her! He stood, fully prepared to forget about her, but a small and distressed sound tugged him back into a kneeling position. His heart felt heavy and sluggish; he tried to blame it all on the atrocious weather. She moaned raggedly and this time, he threw all morals aside. He put his hand on her forehead and felt her fever. It was very serious…more so than he thought at first. He knew she needed to get warm instead of rolling around on the soaked forest floor, but he had nothing that he could use to cover her. He, being a demon, never had use for such things since the weather did not affect him as it did humans.

"Sesshoumaru…" His eyes widened. He couldn't help it. That was the last thing he expected for her to say. And the way she had said it…the way his name rolled off her lips…had been almost…sensual. Was she dreaming of him? "Please, Sesshoumaru…" His heart lurched. To think that she could be… "Please stop…it hurts…" His quickly growing bubble of vanity popped. So, she remembered that night with as much loathing as he. He still wished that he had killed her, for she saw something that no one was ever meant to see. Perhaps that is what made him stay here. Perhaps his earlier suspicions about a bond were true. Had she cast some sort of spell on him? He threw that thought aside quickly. She was a priestess, but he could sense that she was untrained. If she could cast a bonding spell, then she could certainly have shielded herself from nature.

But the problem remained. He had to do something with her, or she would burn out before morning. Frustrated, he ran his hand through his bangs. The bitch was too much trouble. At last, the rain eased up and the darkness thinned. The sun began its journey to the peak of the sky. She whimpered again, and that decided everything. He reached under her and felt that the cloth beneath her was saturated thoroughly with water. Jostling her body in his hold, he slid a hand under his fur, unclasping his armor and letting it fall to the ground. He shed his haori and leaned forward, grasping one of her arms and pushing it through a sleeve. He did the same to her other arm and wrapped the rest of the material around her body. The task was too easy. The girl was already small – he was nearly twice her size – not to mention she was very thin. He pulled her into his arms and stood.

When the sun graced the earth with its majestic presence, it lit up a river bank where the majestic Lord of the Western Lands held in his arms a human wrapped in his clothing. Anyone looking at the seemingly impossible scene would have thought that the youkai did not care for her, for his face looked as if it was made of stone. But, those with a keener eye would have seen the tenderness with which his hands held her and the nearly halcyon sunlit pools that were his eyes.


	4. Heat of Fear

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 4 – Heat of Fear**

* * *

The fire blazed merrily.

The night was silent as if all the creatures in the forest had ceased their infernal racket just to please him. After all, they probably knew that it was better that he was pleased. No one had died yet, and they planned to keep it that way. He deemed them fools for believing that he would waste his time on such a useless task as ending their empty lives. Still, at this moment, he felt that he could easily manage to do something useless. His anger blazed high enough, and the control that he developed over it for the past several hundred years eroded in mere minutes. From his position leaning against the tree, looking forward at the fire across from him, he fell victim once again to the wonder of the entire situation. Sesshoumaru watched her hesitant and pained movements as she clumsily tried to bandage her injuries, narrowed his eyes when her own lit up in determination, and had to choke off a growl when she bit her lip to bear with the pain of touching a particularly sensitive spot.

He was curious. That was all there was to it. He was curious as to why all the creatures in the land could sense his power – even the strongest – and yet this tiny…_thing_…could not. Or maybe she simply didn't care. She hadn't even once acknowledged his presence, even though he was standing not too far from her. He still could not comprehend how such a small and fragile being could capture so much of his attention and curiosity. He continued to watch her, hoping beyond hope that he would find something – _anything – _at all that would prove her to be special. She was weak…he could determine that without having to reach too deeply with his senses into her aura. Even though her body hummed with spiritual power, they hardly warranted attention. But , there was something there - something about her movements, something about the way her hair shone in the moonlight, something in the wind that teased his senses with her scent.

He cursed himself for such sentimental thoughts, but his feet made no move to carry him away from a scene he deemed disgusting and offending. At least she shown him a semblance of proper respect. She feared him, at first, upon awakening. Her breathing had escalated, her face losing color. She even tried to back away from him. Unfortunately for her, weakness barred her from accomplishing that much desired task. With time, considering that he made no move to acknowledge her, she must have assumed that she was safe. As soon as she regained at least a fraction of her strength, she moved to take care of her injuries.

No questions were asked, and even if they had been, they would have remained orphans without their parent answers. The time stretched on in silence between them, as if both creatures simply did not coexist. He did not mind. The lack of sound meant lack of mundane responsibilities. It meant that he could steal a moment to release the burden of the ordinary. Thoughts had their own loads to be carried, but they were not so heavy as reality.

And so, he thought.

His lands were in turmoil. Naraku had caused much damage to the previously flourishing country-side, and despite his best efforts, the hanyou seemed to have the upper hand. Sesshoumaru had to admit that he had not been putting his full strength into the bastard's elimination. His brother, Tetusaiga, and Sou'nga pulled too much attention away from something he - at first - considered a trivial matter. He deemed it beneath him to touch the scheming demon and waste his precious time on a quest to end his miserable existence. A mistake that many paid for. He watched Naraku's power grow - watched and was amused. Naraku must be more than addled to believe that he could get away from the Lord of the Western Lands alive. No one crossed him - _no one._

Naraku occupied himself with building an army of demons to send after him – this Sesshoumaru knew. He sent out scouts to confirm his suspicious and was filled with anger when his suspicions were proven beyond reasonable doubt. Did Naraku truly believe he could defeat him? There was no question in Sesshoumaru's mind that such a thing could never pass. Still, something nagged at him. Naraku was more dangerous than Sesshoumaru originally predicted. Against reasonable logic, his body could not be destroyed. A sudden thought occurred to him. He turned to face the woman, gathering her garments from the same position as before. He had seen her, once, shoot an arrow at Naraku and witnessed the damage that it caused. In its wake, it left nothing but a floating head. It took Naraku months to regenerate his missing appendages. Unusual, for regeneration did not take long for a demon. Severe damage took a little longer to repair, but the fact remained that Naraku was out of commission for twice as long as normal. Looking at the priestess now, Sesshoumaru harbored a guess as to why.

It was the woman's holy powers that were responsible.

He returned to the present when she made an abrupt movement. It was growing dark again quickly. Night was setting in, and it appeared that she prepared to embark on some sort of journey. Her bag draped over one shoulder, a few garments hung in her hands, and she wore a pair of strange pants that fit snugly around her legs. She had returned his garment to him long ago, folded neatly and carefully. Such an act showed her gratitude more than any words could have. So, she must have felt she owed him nothing.

But why, then, did he feel that he could not let her walk away?

(…...)

* * *

Kagome was going to be sick. How did she managed to get herself into this horrid mess? Her head was spinning, and the ground heaved as if trying to vomit up the rain and mud that soaked it. She glanced across from her at the one thing that even now had her heart pounding and tripping over itself in fear.

Sesshoumaru.

He was ethereal. There was no other way of describing him. His robes moved eerily with the wind and his hair – spun silver – reflected the moonlight like an unnaturally smooth mirror. His entire being seemed completely out of place in the greens and browns of the forest. His eyes, although focused on some other point in space, were bottomless and striking. He showed all the pride of a regal hawk, pondering the meaningless lives of the creatures beneath him. No matter how hard Kagome tried, she couldn't get any vibes from him – good or bad. He was simply an enigma, and that, in itself, was the most frightening thing of all.

It was as if he truly did not belong in this world. Time seemed to bend and curve around him as if fearful of touching and marring the beauty that was so unreal. And beautiful he was…frighteningly bewitching and statuesque. His arms folded over his chest, his head tilted sideways to face the fire. It crackled and smoldered, reflecting in his eyes and making them glow. She stood, knowing that she had to leave. She could not remain with him any longer, no matter how unsuited for traveling she was. Kagome hoped that by leaving she would be doing him a favor; after all, things were not smooth between them. They were enemies, and the memories of that night were still too fresh. She shouldered her backpack and grabbed her school uniform – now torn and unfit for wearing. He stayed quiet all the while, but her sudden movement must have startled him, for she unexpectedly found herself the focus of his stare.

And that is when she knew true fear.

The intensity of his gaze was too much. To have his full attention upon herself was too great a burden. He was a predator again, just like so long ago, and she was his prey. Her heart skipped a beat, and from that point onward the drummer within it lost his rhythm altogether, as if he was also mesmerized by the death in that look. Her diaphragm contracted painfully, alarm bathing her stomach in acidic adrenaline. The muscles in her legs tensed, ready to repeat their previous exercise of running. Her senses flared outward, reminding her of the terrible lurching tug of the jaki of a Shikon Shard. The world lost its meaning – the all-consuming heat of her body making her feel like she was alone and dying within an inferno – his inferno. The cold sweat on her body weighed her down, the goosebumps painfully reminding her that reality would be terrifying and painful should she indulge in it. The priestess' breathing accelerated, and she felt like crying with the dread that continued to relentlessly pummel her from all directions.

Yet there was nothing in his eyes to suggest any sort of emotion. Not hunger, not bloodlust, not anger, not excitement. He was simply nothing, and that was the worst of all. She could not guess what he wanted, could not prepare for anything he would do. It was as if by gifting her with his scrutiny, he pulled a blindfold around her own eyes. She could see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing – the emptiness left her vulnerable and numb with terror. Her throat worked and she let out a sound very much like a whimper, her feet moving on their own to back away from the sheer magnitude of emotions brought to her through his eyes.

Then she saw it.

It was brief, but something simmered in those eyes. She could not understand it - nore did she want to. She had made the mistake of seeing too much already, and she didn't wish to repeat something she regretted to this very day. Kagome felt her injuries pull painfully with her movements and dearly hoped that he would let her go in peace. What use did he have for her? Why had he kept her alive instead of killing her? While she had been thrashing from her fever, he could have dealt the final blow. Perhaps he wished a painful death upon her. No, surely he harbored no desires of that sort. As a human, she did not mean so much.

Her eyes stung with tears when he shifted, and she bolted, losing all rational thought and feeling aside from the deep instinct of self-preservation. Why hadn't she learned by now that running was as useless as praying for his sympathy? Why couldn't she accept that his claws would capture her no matter how quickly she moved? Her musings went unanswered, for in that poignant moment, nothing mattered but her lust for life. And so she ran, heedless of where she was going, her fever and illness blurring her mind and slowing her body. Her blind and wild madness took her off the trail and into the river, up to her waist in depth. Still, she ran, her fear taking hold until she knew nothing but the word "escape!". She held no awareness of crying, sobbing, and wildly splashing in the water in her haste to get as far away from him as possible. It seemed that her body's memories from that night branded scars into her soul and flesh. Her actual scars – his marks – were savage reminders of what he was capable of doing.

Suddenly, everything ground to a halt. Something encased her arms in steel, pressed her body up against a solid rock, and cut off her her screams with something unyielding and strong. She shrieked and struggled, but to no avail. She was completely helpless! Still, she twisted and turned until she had no more strength.

"Be Still."

No! Why should she be? She would die!

"Woman. Cease your useless squirming, I will not hurt you."

The voice vibrated into her back and somehow, the red in her vision faded. She fell limply against a rock-like chest, breathing raggedly. Chills shook her from her very center. The hand on her mouth loosened -

"Please…" she breathed, "Please…please, stop…" She heard a sigh leave his lips, and felt a pleasurable sensation as his fingers dug into her hair. A memory flashed and she stiffened in his grip. "Let me go…" She was astounded at the weakness of her voice.

"That would serve no purpose, woman. You cannot stand." She continued shivering, the sharp movements becoming so powerful that she could barely move her jaw.

"I…can…t-too…"

Another weary sigh. "Do as you please."

He released her, and she wavered for a moment before falling. The water broke her tumble from grace, and she found that it was deeper than she thought before. He had been holding her up. Kagome struggled for a moment under the cold water before she realized that she was too exhausted to swim. She came up sputtering and coughing and felt him pulling her up forcefully by her collar. This time, she accepted his help, throwing her arms around him like the anchor he was.

_Safe…_

That was all she could think of as she promptly lost consciousness.


	5. How I Save You

My Hated, My Obsession

Chapter 5 – How I Save You

The illness was stubborn.

A day had passed since the incident in the river, and still the fever did not ease. She his it well, so well that even he did not notice it at first.

Last night he'd carried her soaked body to what remained of the fire, darkness turning into day by the time she regained consciousness. He concluded that watching her fear of him annoyed him. His explanation at the river - did it mean nothing? She should be honored that he even took time to explain things to her. Didn't she trust his word? It was absurd to think that she would not, since doing so would be implying that she thought him a liar. Surely, she would not be foolish enough to dub him such a thing, would she?

As the day progressed, her apprehensions seemed to ease, although her barefaced discomfort and wariness of him did not. She was presently cooking, her movements clean and experienced. Sesshoumaru hypothesized that she was the one responsible for preparing the meals for her companions. His nose picked up the smell of something heavy and artificial, making him doubt that whatever she prepared was edible. And even if it could be digested, he would not have partaken of it. He'd eaten in the past several days and did not feel a particular pull to feast again. Demons did not require daily meals. He was curious, however, as to the ingredients of the strange yellow concoction in the pathetic excuse for what she called a pot. She suddenly turned her head to look at him, her hair moving to accommodate the action. Her blue eyes blazed with a new fire he hadn't expected to see.

"Are you hungry? There's enough for both of us to have some." The question was also unpredicted. He took a moment to respond, finding her unease at the length of time it was taking him to do so rather amusing.

"I do not stomach human food." He could tell that he chose his words well, for the blue in her eyes darkened in annoyance.

"Fine then, Oh Great Lord of the Western Lands…" he heard her mutter. The words tempted him to smile at her ignorance. Did she not realize that he could hear everything she uttered? Just like he could hear her breathing and her heartbeat - the heart that beat sluggishly with illness. He didn't know what it was that kept him here, but he knew that her determination and strength of character were somewhat responsible. He watched her fight her illness to start a fire, prepare a repast, and even watched as she washed her garments and braved the frigid water to bathe. He had been right about her hygiene. She was cleaner than most nobility he'd seen.

While she ate, his thoughts returned to his home, and he folded his arms together on his chest as he often did when he was mulling over something important. He knew that his lands needed him and many tasks that he had yet to complete. His original intent for coming out this far into the north was to investigate a suspicious group that was rumored to be terrorizing the countryside. It was said that they possessed shards of the Sacred Jewel and were unstoppable; they already destroyed several villages on their exploits, and Sesshoumaru wanted to put a stop to it. He did not care so much for the annoying human residents as he cared for the destruction of the valuable resources those villages provided. Their wheat and rice fields were the most important sources of nourishment for his troops. If they were harmed –

"What are you planning to do with me, Sesshoumaru?" Hearing his name brought the priestess back into his focus. He was annoyed because she deterred his train of thought and because she asked him something he did not know the answer to. The bitch really was more trouble than she was worth. Yet here he sat, unable to explain why he stayed to help her. Naturally, he refused to make his indecision known. She needed to believe that his coming had a purpose –

"You will come with me, woman. Your abilities may prove of use to me." For a second, he thought that he could see a flicker of disappointment in her eyes, but it was quickly overpowered by anger.

"I'm not going anywhere with you, Sesshoumaru. And I won't be used like some tool." The tone of command in her voice irritated him, and his response was edged with sharp warning.

"I have decided." Didn't she realize that his decisions were final? Didn't she understand that he was honoring her by raising her low status enough to allow her to accompany him?

"So what?" He reckoned that since she had provided him some amusement in the past several days, he would make an exception and explain his intentions patiently.

"You will come with me, woman. You may prove a useful hireling in my service." She stood up, put her hands on her waist and dared to raise her voice to him.

"_Hireling?_ How dare you!"

"No fee, of course, will be provided, since you should consider it an honor to be useful to this Sesshoumaru." He wasn't certain himself why he was getting so worked up over such a pointless issue. He supposed it stemmed from the fact that she was challenging his authority. For some reason, it was important that she bow to his will.

"I am not some object you can just use at your whim!"

"Do not flatter yourself. You have not proven your worth – not as priestess, and especially not as a source of auxiliary power." He instantly knew that he somehow hit a sensitive nerve. She was a long time in answering, and he smelled a familiar saltiness in the air.

"You bastard." Her voice was quivering, hitting a chord in him that he believed dead. "I truly thought…I dared to believe…that you and Inuyasha were different." Any pity he might have felt for her was suddenly buried in outrage. "But you are just as disgustingly rude and lacking in manners, consideration, and decency."

It took nearly all of the control he had not to lash out at her. Doing so would prove that her words affected him. He would not give her such a satisfaction. But he_would_ make her learn her place.

"If you are finished with your babbling, human, we will move on. Then again…perhaps I have no use for your after all. I could simply fetch the dead priestess. What use do I have for the reincarnation, when I could have the original?" The musky scent of salt intensified, but when she spoke her voice was resilient.

"I will go nowhere with such a pompous beast. You think you are so great, Sesshoumaru, but if you are, then why have you not been able to defeat a hanyou that you claim to be unworthy? Or perhaps your words are nothing but attempted reassurances to your cowardly, self-loving, arrogant – "

She never finished.

Sesshoumaru slammed her forcefully against a tree, his hand on her throat in fewer seconds than it took to gasp. The fear was back in her eyes, and he felt pleased that he was still in control. But, her fire still burned.

"You will show respect to your superior, bitch."

"Or what, Sesshoumaru? Will you kill me?"

"I will not hesitate."

"I won't be used!"

"You will be, and you will consider it a fealty."

"Make me!" He couldn't resist a deadly smirk.

"Have it your way, woman." She screamed when he roughly pulled her to him and turned her so her so her back was facing his chest. He grasped both of her wrists and held them in one hand, putting his arm under her chin and hyper-extending her neck sideways until it was vulnerable.

"Let me go, Sesshoumaru or I swear to Kami I'll purify your ass to hell!"

"Again, you flatter yourself." He pressed his fingers to the sleeping nerve on her neck and caught her as she fell limply into his arms. He was angry - so furious that he felt tempted to simply rip her to shreds for daring to show such flippancy in his presence. But then, when he shifted her in his hold, he felt her burning body and once again that cord of pity in him was struck. He supposed that she did only what her instinct told her to0. He had jabbed at her _own_ integrity by comparing her to Inuyasha's dead bitch, and such a call to arms could not be ignored. He put his arms beneath hers and held her up while he fingered her hands. Her wrists were so small that he wondered how it was he hadn't broken them with his strong grip. His suspicion about their size ratio had been correct; even now as he held her up, her feet did not reach the floor. She was a child – her twenty some years to his six hundred – and knew that children were often rash and impudent; but even that knowledge could not force the outrage in his abdomen down. No one had ever made him this angry. Not even his bastard brother, who possessed what should have rightfully been his, had ever driven him to this sort of heated inferno of emotion; and none awakened such a fiery passion to quell their rebellion.

Turning her head so he could see her face, he marveled at how such a slip of girl could hold such a flame as hers. Her cheeks were still flushed from her animosity and her lips were swollen with the blood that must have thundered through her with the feeling.

"_I will not hurt you…"_

Were those not his very words? Yet he could even now see the bruises – the result of his roughness – forming on her delicate skin. Snapping himself out of such sentimental thoughts, he tossed her over his shoulder – wary of his armor - formed his youki cloud, and took to the air.

(…...)

Kagome awoke to the desire of vomiting. The ground beneath her was moving, rocking, dipping, until she wanted nothing but to find a nice big toilet to accommodate her need to puke up her breakfast. Her mind was muddled, memories of the argument between her and Sesshoumaru resurfacing slowly. Not mention, she had a terrible headache.

_Sesshoumaru!_

She was suddenly tense and looked around wildly, searching to understand where she was. She screeched when she realized that he was carrying her on his shoulder, the embarrassment of such an undignified position making her face turn as red as the blood that had rushed to her head upon awakening. He jostled her roughly, making his shoulder dig into her stomach and letting her know that he did not appreciate her loud protest.

Painful was an understatement.

"Damnit! Put me down!"

He obliged.

The world spun out of control, and she landed painfully on her side, feeling like the blow was hard enough to break her arm. She bit her lip to keep from screaming and felt her eyes watering from the effort.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

He didn't even turn around – just continued walking. Her displeasure was renewed all too soon at his callous attitude.

"I am simply being _considerate _and humoring you in your request," he chided. His jab at her earlier insult of him made her blush in embarrassment. She still couldn't believe that she had said those things to him and lived.

_I guess he does have a use for me after all._

Kagome tried to forget the painful comparison he used between her and Kikyo, but the shock of his words hit home. She sighed, reminding herself that she should be used to it by now – since both brothers were so alike – and did her best to derail her train of thought into another direction.

_Man do I feel sick. I guess the fever isn't gone yet._

She looked around with confusion. None of the surroundings were familiar. They walked through a more heavily wooded area than before, and the river was nowhere in sight. The tops of the giant trees blocked out most of the light, making Kagome recall the enchanted woods she used to read about in her old picture books as a kid. The light that _did_ break through the heavy canopy shone strong, a telling sign that it was still early in the day.

"Where are we?" When she didn't hear an answer, she turned, only to find that her captor was almost out of sight. The thought of escape was strong but short-lived. She knew that if he really wanted to, he could outrun her. So, she resigned herself to running after him and things settled into an uncomfortable silence.

(…...)

_I never really appreciated modern technology until I came here…how I miss my big bed…_

Night settled in too slowly, making Kagome wonder if Apollo bore some sort of a personal vendetta against her. To say that Kagome was tired was like saying that air was important instead of necessary for the body. She wasn't just tired; she was incoherent. She could barely light the matches to start a fire – an attempt that ended with a burned finger and a good number of matches gone to waste; she had trouble handling the weight of the pot to make Ramen – but that was before she realized that she had no way of making it since there was no river nearby; she was so weary by the time the fire actually roared to life, that she could barely do more than collapse on the ground, prepared to sleep without even opening her sleeping bag.

It was all his fault, of course. They hiked all day without stopping to make camp once! What did he think she was? Made of steel?

_Considerate, my ass. If I thought Inuyasha was a rude jerk, then I must be blind._

Morning saw Kagome gingerly moving around and collecting everything to put her stuff back into her yellow bag. Apparently, Sesshoumaru took it with him after he knocked her out. She had trouble imagining Sesshoumaru doing such a thing, but he was a practical one, and she supposed that he had a good reason behind his actions.

She found that her jeans were dirty and smelly, and attributed their state to her sleeping position on the ground that night. After some rummaging, she found only her torn uniform – with a slit in her skirt – and her pajamas. Neither was acceptable for wearing on the hike she knew was coming, so she grudgingly settled for what she had on.

And all the while, her captor was silent.

(…...)

"Can you at least tell me where we're going? I deserve that much, don't I?"

Didn't she _ever_ stop talking? He was quickly growing tired of her annoying questioning, hoping that by ignoring her, she would cease. He was wrong. It seemed that the quieter he was, the more fretful she became. He settled into a slower pace, hearing her labored breathing. He didn't want her dropping senseless, for the thought of carrying her again was not too pleasant.

"_Men,_" he heard her grumble under her breath, and was tempted to smile again. He heard her stop abruptly and sensed her tensing up. He turned to her, knowing that she sensed something out of place.

"Sesshoumaru." Her eyes were serious, deep, guarded. They were the eyes that had always caught his attention in battle. "I sense a jewel shard…no…more than one." They left the forest several hours ago, and now passed through a region that consistem mostly of farmland. He suspected that the rebels would be here, since the village that tilled this land was the one subsequent in line to the ones that had been decimated. Reaching out with his own senses, he felt a strong jyaki that could not possibly belong to a human.

"Demons…" he heard the woman whisper. "…if only I had my arrows." The grudging respect for her resurfaced. He suddenly felt that same aura. The vile sensationi was close and surrounded them. His eyes narrowed, and he lowered his hand, preparing to use his poison in case of attack. He flinched when the woman screamed –

"Behind you! Look out!" He whirled around, letting loose his whip. It clashed with something solid, even though he could see nothing but air. "Sesshoumaru! Look out!" He felt a disturbance in the atmosphere and quickly blocked what he assumed was an attack from his right. "From the front!" He spun around, sending his whip flying in an arc. This time, he felt it hit several times.

_Damn…how many are there?_

He heard running footsteps –

"Up above! Look out!" Tokijin was out in a flash and he was blocking yet another attack. "From the right!" He moved his sword sideways, pushing the force from above away and quickly lashing out at the new attacker.

_Why can she see them where I cannot?_

The running came closer and the woman suddenly threw herself on top of him. He was so shocked, he stumbled backwards, but managed to remain standing.

"What is the meaning of this, woman?" He heard clattering and banging – obvious signs that solid objects clashed with each other. Confused, he looked up –

Only to realize that his human companion had erected a barrier.


	6. The Edge of Paradise

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 6 – The Edge of Paradise**

* * *

_Why?_

_Why would she do something so…utterly…_

_Unselfish?_

_Why would she…no…**how** could she forget – or perhaps ignore – what had happened between them that night?_

She should have been glad at a chance for him to face danger or come in harm's way. She should have been running away from that same peril, should have followed the unmistakable instinct of self-preservation that kept her alive during their brutal meeting.

Yet here she was…

…holding onto him like she had in the water…

…as if he was her only lifeline to the living world - as if she would be swept away by the harshness and reality of it if she did not crush him in her warm embrace.

Her eyes were closed - face scrunched up in concentration and limbs shaking from the obvious pain the enemy caused her as the enemy struck her barrier. She made no sound through it all, proving once again that even if the world turned against her, she would stand - unwavering - to face her doom, proving that her strength could withstand any obstacle life sent her way. For a while, he wasn't certain what to do. No one had touched him in such an intimate matter in hundreds of years. The sudden sensation of having a warm, soft, body pressing against his own - even through the impenetrable metal of his armor – enflamed him. It was a tingling awareness, not unpleasant, but a bit…disturbing…

"Why can I not see them?" She looked up at him through bangs covered with light perspiration. Her eyes sparked, once again, like those of a determined woman hell-bent on getting her way no matter the circumstances. Her flushed cheeks, though, betrayed her. Was she embarrassed? He wanted to scoff at such a ridiculous possibility. Only a human female could think of something as preposterous as being embarrassed in a situation like this. Hearing the banging above him, Sesshoumaru decided to save his marvels until a time when invisible enemies weren't surrounding them from every angle.

"They have jewel shards, Sesshoumaru. I think…I'm not sure…but it seems that their bodies are not real." He didn't know what to make of her gibberish, so he motioned for her to go on.

"I don't know…but I think that somehow, the jewel shards have created bodies for themselves. That's why you can't see them." Her theory, even if a bit ludicrous, was acceptable and logical. After all, hadn't Sou'nga done the same thing before? It would certainly explain why only she could see them. What he couldn't immediately understand was why the things did not attack her as well?

"Put down your barrier, woman. It is a nuisance." He thought he could sense her shock, disappointment, and hurt. It made no difference; he knew that, even though her shield bought them some time, the barrier only weakened her and stalled the inevitable. Confident about his decision, he put a hand on her chest and pushed her away with more force than he intended. She went flying, sprawling on the ground several feet away.

"What are you – Sesshoumaru, you jackass!" He could not see them, but he could feel their movements. That, at least, provided some leverage against the invisible pests. With a quick swipe of Tokijin's blade, he used his Ougi to attempt to push the enemy back. He felt the sword heating up, and as he usually did, felt the dark jaki of the blade prod his soul. The blue light of the attack was brighter than usual, and he felt his pupils shrinking to accommodate the sudden amount of the searing rays. The result was unexpected. Instead of accomplishing a momentary lapse in the battle, his attack only granted the beings more power. Instead of feeling their aura's recede into empty nothingness, they only pressed in on him even more. The air boiled - hot, thick, and stifling. For a moment, he experienced discomfort, as if the oxygen had become like a thick syrup. He could neither inhale it or release it from his lungs. His vision blurred, and he was forced to once again endur the "disturbing" sensation he felt while behind the woman's barrier.

It was as if…

…. time was...

...slowing….

The battle resumed before he could completely shake off the unpleasant disruption, but not before he could curse himself for giving into such a weakness as discomfort. Tokijin barely blocked an attack from above. Something tore through his arm. In retaliation, he swung at his attacker, but things moved at a ridiculously fast pace. He knew that something needed to be done before the situation got out of hand.

(…...)

* * *

_That jerk! Who does he think he is?!_

How dare he throw her aside like some useless rag? And not even a thank you to boot!

Kagome's cheeks turned red again at the memory of being so close to him. She had not expected to ever be squished up against him like that, and the priestess had to admit that it wasn't as unpleasant as she always imagined. Right before the attack - as she saw the creatures running in to hurt him - all she consciously recalled was the single-minded need to help him. The barrier, their embrace, the pain that came with all of that - none of that mattered now. Apparently, he hadn't even noticed her efforts to save him. No - that was wrong. He _had_ noticed; he just hadn't appreciated her help. She watched the battle with concerned eyes, though, despite her annoyance. Something tugged at her.

She wanted to blame it on the jewel shards, but somehow, the feeling was more intense than that. Her cautious feet moved backwards on their own when Sesshoumaru sent a blast of energy from Tokijin flying towards the demons. Her heart caught in her throat when she saw them smile and open themselves to receive it like the petals of a starving, wilting flower that saw sunlight after a period of darkness.

_Why are they only attacking **him**?_

The situation was dire and more complicated than any she had faced before. Always, no matter how difficult things got, a solution rested – much like a spare battery – in the back of her mind. She _always_ found a way to figure things out and to make order out of chaos. But, if that was true, then why was she unable to think of anything now?

She gasped when something rended through the sleeve of Sesshoumaru's right arm, and her hands flew to her mouth in shock when she saw a blood stain growing larger and larger with every second. The blood darkened the pure white of his robes to a frightening shade hue of crimson.

_Oh no! I have to do something!_

But what? What could she do? She was _powerless_ without her arrows. Hell…she hadn't even known that she could make a barrier until several moments ago. Kagome clenched her hands into fists, realizing that in all the time spent with Inuyasha, she had never felt so helpless. But there _had _to be a way out of this; there _had _to be.

_Oh Kami!_

The idea sparked in her head as suddenly and strongly and a lighting bolt striking a fool holding a metal pole in a thunderstorm. Her eyes glazed over as she mulled over the newfound possibility. If she could _sense_ jewel shards, if she could_ feel_ them and _repel_ them, she could certainly _call_ them, couldn't she? But, she hadn't the faintest idea of how she managed to accomplish the first three things on that pathetic list of her "abilities", much less try something new that could mean the difference between life and death. Her urgency doubled when she heard more tearing of cloth.

_Damn it!_

Without thinking of the consequences, she closed her eyes –

"Please…come to me…"

Nothing happened.

"Jewel shards…can you hear me?" She felt like an idiot, talking to a bunch of rocks – or for all the good her powers were, she was probably talking to _herself_ and making no impact whatsoever on the battle. Yet, something urged her on, and she wasn't about to ignore a hunch at a time like this.

"Demons...creatures...whatever you are, come here…" Her heart slowed its rhythm, her breathing became more labored. Living and breathing - suddenly controlling both automatic proccesses became a chore. A massive headache split through her skull, but she knew she couldn't stop now. Whispers surrounded her, voices that made no sense and voices that condemned her –

_Why do you wish to save him?_

_Why do you wish to help him after what he nearly did to you?_

**_I can't just leave him!_**

_This is your chance, priestess…he is your enemy, the man who put you through so much pain…the man whose marks you bear upon your skin…_

**_I don't care! I just want to help him!_**

_Make sure that you do not regret your choice…_

The voice belonged to neither man nor woman. The sound had no gender - no quality to dub it a normal voice at all. It simply existed – without sound, pitch, words, or letters; it simple _was_…there…inside her mind… as if it was the most natural thing in the entire world. It existed as a part of her - a part she couldn't trust to lead her on the right path.

_Call them._

She focused her inner self onto the edge of the void that suddenly churned beneath her feet. A vortex of swirling magenta ocean pulled, tugged and incessantly mocked her - teasing, beckoning, and tempting her to approach it. The void became a paradise - one that needed no physical proof of it's existence. She knew of it without really understanding it. For now, that was enough.

_Do not listen. Concentrate._

She forced herself to look away from the temptation and searched her soul. At last, she found a cord - a thread so small and frail that she would have missed it had she not been looking for it with such vigor. The priestess grasped it and immediately froze in place from the chill that wracked her body, stemming from her very core.

_Call them, if you want to save him._

She struggled to keep her rationale, but each passing microsecond made doing so more and more difficult.

**_I can't!_**

_Try again._

"…shards…I command you to come to me…" the words were barely out of her mouth before her eyes snapped open. Once again, she stood on the battlefield. She was still shivering, her body caked in cold sweat. Fearfully, saw the demons turn their faces to her, and for the first time, she got a good look at their appearance.

Vile, sickening, horrid monstocities!

Obviously, her theory about the shards creating their own corpses proved correct. They were made of mismatched limbs, eyes, and heads of demons, their appendages all different colors, shapes and sizes. But their eyes - their eyes terrified her most of all. They were blank – completely void of anything – not white, not black, not any other color – simply…

…a void…

…a void to Hell…

_Do not look away, miko._

_Try again._

"Listen to _me_ now…you _will_ come here…"

One of them – the one who she directly looked at – began to float away from Sesshoumaru and approach her. Kagome's heart beat intensified, but she refused to look away. Those eyes were horrible. She flinched when the monster was nearly upon her and covered her ears from the shriek that followed. Doubling over with the pain the shattering sound caused, the girl fell to her knees.

_I told you not to look away._

_No matter…it would have been a miracle if you had gotten it on your first try…_

_You did well…_

**_Those eyes…is that what Hell is really like?_**

_My dear…that was no Hell you saw…but the power and corruption of the Shikon No Tama._

_(…...)_

* * *

Someone was shaking her shoulders roughly, calling her to come out of her misery. She still walked on the edge of the vortex of paradise, stumbling but holding on to the thin cord that helped her call the demons.

Where was she?

What happened?

Was _he _alright?

She jerked as she was tossed headlong into a memory…

_(…...)_

* * *

"_Get away from me! Don't touch me!" He was tearing her clothing, heedless that his claws tore through her skin as well._

"_Do not presume to have any power of command, bitch." Tears stung her eyes as she helplessly struggled against him._

"_Get away!"_

_Those eyes…_

_Those fiercely glowing red eyes bore into her, reaching down below her skin - below her blood - into her very soul._

"_Please! Don't touch me! Stop it!"_

_(…...)_

* * *

"Stop…it…"

Someone was still shaking her almost painfully by her shoulders.

"Woman, stop moving before you harm yourself."

What was going on? Where was she?

When she finally regained her senses, Kagome attempted to sit up to relieve herself of the cotton ball that was firmly lodged in her head – swollen, fuzzy, and obstuctive. Instantly, hands pushed her back down, a pair of luminous ochroid eyes wrestling her into stillness without expending any effort.

_Don't touch me! Get away!_

She screamed for all she was worth, her sleep-dulled mind not entirely comprehending that the figure before her was flesh and blood instead of whisper-woven dreams. The tears were unstoppable. Her world collapsed; skyscrapers of everything she knew corroded and fell, the streets of her carefully organized mind tangled up now with vines and thorns of doubt. She cried and cried and cried – but for what reason she was so sad, she did not know. All she understood was that she needed comfort now – the kind of comfort that her mother sometimes gave her when she awoke from nightmares in the past; the kind of comfort that even Inuyasha sometimes provided when she cried over something ridiculous.

But, what she received was very different.

Opening her eyes, she found herself on the ground with Sesshoumaru's lean figure standing next to her, his legs by her head. She leaned against him, not knowing why, but continuing the desired action for the hell of it.

_He is your enemy._

Could she still think of his that way? The beast that had nearly killed her in the forest so many days ago was a different being than this one. He hadn't possessed this eerie and silent beauty - this sense of stability that she desperately needed in her quickly crumbling world of reality. He hadn't been this quiet, this soundlessly sympathetic. His stoic posture and gently swaying clothing were a cold and emotionless comfort that she deemed perfect for the situation.

He was calm and collected, impassive yet not indifferent. The heat of her emotions melted away the metaphoric ice. Together, the two counterparts formed a paradox that was undeniably and almost frighteningly realistic. With his silent patience, he drowned out her loudest sorrow. With this new realization, she stood up – still a little dizzy – and stepped away from him, a part of her still reluctant to completely relax around him – or perhaps reluctant to show any further vulnerability.

"What happened?" Her husky, wispy voice put a crack into a tangible, bullet-proof glass of dead air that stood between them. He didn't join her in breaking it until a long time after. The priestess waited, knowing that he probably wanted to thank her for her efforts, despite the pride that ruled him.

"The situation has become more complicated than I first believed. You will return to my half-witted brother on the morrow."

To say the least, it was not at all what she expected from him. Surely he was making some kind of a joke. Heedless to her surprise, he pivoted on his heel, turned gracefully away from her, and walked away.

_Wait…_

"Wait! Sesshoumaru! Stop!" But he _didn't_ stop - didn't even give a sign that he heard her daring plea. Instead, as was typically his habit, he showed that he held no interest for anything but himself.


	7. The Return

**Thank you very much to everyone who is reading and reviewing my story! Your encouragement means a lot!**

* * *

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 7 – The Return**

* * *

She really should have learned that to expect anything from him was equivalent to hoping a tornado would go around a house instead of destroying it. She didn't understand him – wanted to understand him, but had no idea where to start. Such a goal was impossible - she realized - no matter how stubborn her nature or how well she could read others. He had too many sides to him - too many angles and turns. His personality twisted like a nameless, winding road. Without signs or directions, this path held nothing but confusion to those unfortunate travelers who lost their way upon it.

It was too easy to believe that emotions lay hidden beneath his empty, white, cloak - too simple to think that his arrogance was capable of accepting someone who followed him as she did. Too simple, and much too naive. In reality, his multi-faceted jewel of a personality pushed everything and everyone away without giving them a chance to prove themselves worthy of his scrutiny. It seemed that nothing around him pleased him - that he deemed nothing in this world good enough for him. But, not because he was arrogant like she'd first thought. No - he did so for another reason. But, just like the rest of him, that reason would forever stay a mystery - a tablet full of ancient runes that were too vague and jumbled to make sense.

He bore the image of a creature whose shoulders were burdened with the weight of its entire species. As the rays of the morning illuminated his elegant face, Kagome realized just how lonely he truly looked. Standing there, in his solitary beauty, his broad shoulders, thick armor, and stern, hawk-like gaze did not radiate power as much as they did weariness. She had never considered the possibility that he could feel anything other than irritation or blood-lust. A demon was born emotionless and cruel, and his station locked him in that cage of broadened stereotypes.

Kagome admitted to herself that ever since they met, she experienced an unhealthy dose of fear around him. Inuyasha's open hostility for him and - in turn - Sesshoumaru's own hatred for his brother always troubled her the most. During their fights - as much as she was ashamed to admit it - the priestess always knew that that the hot-headed half-demon could not defeat a calculating mind like Sesshoumaru. The desire to jump between them rang so strong that she often had to hold onto a tree to avoid risking her life. Inuyasha was powerful, yes. But for all his power, he was bound to the world with emotions that could both give him immeasurable strength and bind him with unending weakness. That's where Sesshoumaru played to his advantage.

The full-blooded demon was never surprised, never scared, never affected by anything around him any more than he wanted to be. It was his choice whether he allowed something to be his business or not, and that previously fooled her into thinking that he was invincible. But now, as the chains of fate pulled the sun to give its light to Earth, Kagome was tempted to believe that she had never been more wrong.

I will not hurt you.

You will return to my half-witted brother on the morrow.

Something inside of her tore apart as she watched his lone figure observing his surroundings with an outwardly disinterested eye. It was foolish to think that he would care - that he would go out of his way for someone. Yet, her mind kept returning to the little girl that she frequently saw traveling with him. She knew nothing of their history, but she would be a liar if she said she didn't want to. He saved the both of them when they had been kidnapped by Takemaru in the battle for Sou'unga, and Kagome had witnessed just how much Rin trusted her lord. Solving mysteries wasn't her forte. Lack of self-confidence didn't allow her to pride herself on a quick mind. But, in her opinion, something as completely oxymoronic as the situation of Sesshoumaru and Rin would have stumbled both Sherlock Holmes and his dearest Watson.

As Kagome mulled over everything, she heard him shifting moments before their looks deadlocked in a gaze of conflicting opinions. His eyes still unnerved her - made her feel like a mouse staring down a cat's throat. But for some reason, she could not feel the same terror as before. Those twin ambers shone with something that she could never hope to identify and made her wonder if something more dazzling than their striking depths existed on the planet. She was caught – mesmerized like a shrew in the hypnotic and paralyzing penetration of a snake.

That's what he's doing…he's looking – penetrating – into my soul.

Despite her overpowering need to look away from the depth in that look, she refused to back down. She met his eyes with her own display of determination, proud that she could withstand his intensity. When she realized that he would not look away first, she briefly pondered how long they would stand here before their battle ended. She didn't really mind, though, feeling like she was getting to know him on a level that would be unnatainable under normal circumstances.

"Come." The command was soft, but firm. His tone was quiet, reserved, and utterly devoid of any feelings. She wondered, suddenly, how he grew to be so cold and numb. What could have possibly driven him to such a height of aloofness? She could only guess, and he certainly wasn't about to share.

* * *

The sun burned in displeasure, furiout for being dragged out of its peaceful slumber. It gave off enough heat to evaporate gold, making Kagome wonder if she would survive the day. She never saw a day in the Feudal Era that had been this miserably hot and sticky in all the time she'd traveled here. Her clothes – which she had worn for two days in a row now – stuck to her body like a second skin. Delirious, drained, and dirty, Kagome swore that she would either have a heat seizure or would die from not taking some form of bath in nearly three days. By some stroke of luck, however, the Gods took mercy on her. Around midday, she and Seshoumaru happened upon a tiny hot spring. She was so relieved and ready to snap, that if she hadn't stopped herself, she would have undressed right in front of her "companion".

Chiding herself severely and mentally slapping herself for her carelessness, she asked him to turn around – a request that he seemed willing to oblige. She sighed in relief. In seconds, she sat in the more than welcome warm water, thinking that she could die without regret. Kagome thought about all of the events of the day and ran her hand through her hair in an attempt to ease the ache on her scalp. Dunking under the water, she rubbed her hair vigorously, seeking to rid it of the grime and sweat that nearly made her sick. Once she was on the surface, she gathered some water in her hands and splashed it on her face, reveling in the incredible feeling of freshness that the simple action gave. At last, she settled back against a rock to enjoy the little comfort that life decided to kindly give.

Even though Sesshoumaru made it crystal clear that she would return to Inuyasha today, the way they traveled didn't resemble the path to Kaede's village or Inuyasha's Forest. Kagome prided herself on her uncanny sense of direction, and judging from the stars and the rugged landscape, they were heading somewhere east. Less and less greenery inhabited these lands – almost as if a plague of dryness covered it and wiped out all living things. When she spotted this little spring in the middle of nowhere, she blamed it on a sick hallucination – forgetting, of course, that Oases existed in all deserts.

During their travels, Kagome often – either to ease the pain of such exhausting treks or to simply occupy the time – found herself thinking of Inuyasha. Truth be told, he frequently roamed the confines of her mind uninvitedly. A large amount of the time, he wasn't welcome, especially when Kykio came with him. The priestess had had plenty of opportunities to think about all three of them and had to admit that loving the half-demon was no longer as easy as it had been. How long ago had she promised him to be by his side? How many times had she told herself that she would do anything just to make him happy? Every time he left, no matter what she preached to herself about selflessness and the importance of letting loved ones go, his absence made the crater of loneliness in her heart grow ever larger. Was it so wrong to wish for happiness? Was it such a sin to hate being so benevolent towards the one person who she loved so much?

Four long years had passed since the naive girl of fifteen fell through a mysterious well into this time. She was much like Alice falling into the rabbit hole – a girl landing from an organized world of schoolbooks and gossip into one of chaos and endless war. She had been terrified, of course, and who else was there to ease her sorrow but the handsome Inuyasha? Contrary to logic, his annoying rudeness and oftentimes unpleasant bluntness won her over. Their meeting with Kikyo and Kagome's discovery of the half-demon's tragic past helped her come to terms with the love she harbored for him. Her path towards understanding was filled with pain, regret, and hardship. Now wonder if had taken her this long to even consider that her love might prove to be hopeless.

No matter that Inuyasha might feel anything for her; he would always return to Kikyo. Their love acted like a boomerang, thrown into the wind by Naraku's own hand when he set both of them against each other. Kagome could hope all she wanted for it to never return, but as all boomerangs did, so would this one. The passing years gave her plenty of opportunity to consider all the possibilities of their relationship, and in the end she came to the same conclusion every time. The outcomes were endless, of course.

Inuyasha could one day admit his feelings for her out of circumstance – his jealousy when Koga came, for example. Or she could admit her own feelings, jump over the cliff, and wait for him to return them and catch her. She could envision their future if those feelings were returned. They would most likely finish gathering the shards and settle down together as mates. They could build a family and be together, but she would grow old and eventually, her looks would fade. She did not think of herself as being pretty, but she knew that no matter how beautiful anyone was, wrinkles did not flatter.

And then there would be Kikyo.

Kikyo, who would not age and would be forever blooming in her own natural allure. He would love her – Kagome – in all those long years, of this she had no doubt. But in the back of his mind would always be the nagging question, the damning possibility that even now drove him to seek out the dead miko:

What could have been?

It was a doubt that anyone would be drawn to. The "what-if's" always overrode the "what-are's". He would not leave his family for her, would not abandon his children and his mate for his lost love, but he would see her, would go to her at night and be with her, suffering because he wasn't free to truly love her as he wished. It didn't matter how much she wanted him; Kagome could never chain him in such a way. She could not put the burden of her love on him - not while the "what-if" of Kikyo remained.

Deeply, she knew that.

Bravely, she accepted it.

But, she would be damned if she said it didn't hurt to watch him go to her, and worse, feel guilty when he did. She hated the pity he dished out to her. Like misplaced charity, it made her feel like sloppy seconds. She had to give him credit, however. He assured her that she represented more than just a "shard-detector" to him; he proven so many times to her that she meant much more to him than that. But always, she was second.

Kagome sighed, sinking back into the water.

Maybe I'm just tired of all this.

The steam from the water made her vision hazy, the slight blur making it impossible to keep her eyes open. Leaning back against the rocks behind her, she decided that it would be harmless to just shut her eyes for a little bit. She wondered what to blame for her sudden streak of exhaustion. Was it the heavy weight of her thoughts? Or was Sesshoumaru's unrelenting pace that sucked the strength out of her body? The selfish demon didn't take the time to consider that she lacked an unexhaustable supply of energy, after all. In the end, it hardly mattered where she laid the blame. In the end, she could only obey as her body drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

Dark eyes watched the sleeping priestess from atop one of the sparse trees. Their owners had no worries of being seen. The only one who coudl full off that particular feat slumbered down below, careless of the dangers all around her. The figures were no more than ripples in the air – slight disturbances that could be attributed to the haze of the heat. The demon lord would suspect nothing. The group of hideous monstrocities looked at each other with their blank eyes, and their misshapen mouths curved up to reveal sharp fangs. One nudged the other and both cackled in their silent mirth.

Only one of them remained stock still. Only one sat away from the rest. He no longer shared their humor. All that beat within him was vengeance and anger for the girl who dared to nearly steal his life. He turned to his minions and they instantly turned serious.

Her…it said.

She will give her blood so that the hunt may begin…

* * *

The woman was more moronic than he first thought.

Sesshoumaru watched her sleep in the spring, the heat of the water making her skin flush a light red. He was a little surprised to realize that her body, for the moment, did not interest him sexually like it did in the forest before. Despite this, his eyes took in her form. He had never simply taken the time to examine a human, and was alarmed that such a pastime interested him now. She had unusually long eyelashes - dark as her hair - that rested like royal fans on her cheeks. High cheekbones, a small, delicate, chin, and soft lips came together to create a charming ensemble. True, by standars of beauty among demons, her lips were a little too large and her nose a bit too long. In the long-run, however, she had enough good points to make up for those two downfalls.

He moved downwards.

Her neck was long and slender, leading down to graceful shoulders and long arms. Through the clear water, he could see she had a slim waist and shapely legs, but her hips – even though they tapered quite nicely from her waist – were still too small. The same could be said for her breasts, although that particular flaw could be attributed to her young age.

She chose that moment to stir. He dropped the bag he was holding and left her, thinking that it would be best to avoid a scandal if she spotted him watching her. He really could not understand her modesty, for she should be honored that he even took an interest in the first place. As odd as it was, he had taken some interest in her - one that wasn't so much sexual as it was...different. The priestess was irritation, a little addled in her head, clumsy, and foolhardy - yet interesting. Being a creature of practicality, he would not deny the fact that she had caught his eye. That's all it was, however. She had merely intrigued him on a base level.

The invisible foes they came across more than a day ago gave him more trouble than he originally expected. The girl had shown some interesting abilities concerning them as well, making him wonder if he was making a mistake in returning her to his brother. Naturally, his original decision stemmed from a strong foundation. With her barrier and ridiculous attempts to call the creatures to her, she got in the way of things. Her recklessness ended up forcing him to exert more effort than neccessary to both destroy the enemy and keep her in one piece.

Do you have something to protect?

His father's last words to him rang in his mind. They stirred up useless and unwelcome memories. He supposed that he should be returning to his home soon, for Jakken could not be trusted with things for any extended period of time. He had been away for several months already, and he could imagine the amount of work that built up in that time. Besides, he needed to ascertain that his charge was not wreaking havoc upon the inhabitants of his castle. The child's antics and unnatural curiosity were rumored to do just that in his absence. He wondered if this human would cause the same amount of trouble were he to take her with her to his home.

Unbidden, the image of the woman sleeping in the water appeared before his eyes. Although he stood a good distance away from her now - with his back turned no less - he saw her lying before him, naked, clear as day. Angry with his innability to control his own musings, Sesshoumaru had to trample down the image with more force that was normally necessary to control pointless thoughts.

Do you have something to protect?

Indignation mushroomed in his chest.

"Ridiculous."

* * *

The thick and prickle bushes bit at her skin with little stinging nips. She heard her heart thudding heavily in her chest. Breathing labored and eyes straining to see through the green leaves of the shrub, she heard twigs snapping and forced herself to stay calm.

One mistake could end everything.

Obviously, the one who chased her was close by. His footsteps slipped over dry leaves - slow and steady. She heard him sniffing, and although she knew he could probably smell her, she stopped her breathing altogether. The footsteps came closer, and closer, and closer, until she could see his clothing and feet right in front of her. The priestess heard a dangerous, low, growl and realized that she had been discovered. Refusing to simply give up, she shoved her body out of the bush and made a break for the next tree, running in zigzags and making many confusing turns to throw him off. Her lungs burned with the need for oxygen and she stopped, her muscles sore from all the running. She put her hands on her knees and panted heavily, thinking that she sounded like a dog after a tiring walk.

Whew! I think I lost him…

Her stomach churned with adrenaline. The only time she had ever been this nervous was when she lost all ten of her textbooks to the carelessness of a certain half-demon and was forced to explain it to her mother. Needless to say, that hadn't been a very pleasant experience. She presumed – or rather, was certain – that it would be the same in this situation as well. Another twig snapped, and she cursed herself for dallying in one place. She should have known that he wouldn't lose her scent. Before she took two steps from her previous position, she was pummeled to the ground, falling nearly flat on her face with his weight on top of her.

"I got you, Kagome!"

The priestess giggled when Shippo began to tickle her senseless and turned over to get her revenge. Actually having fun playing hide-and-seek could probably be deemed childish in the widely accepted "rulebook" of behavior for her age. But, at the moment, she didn't care. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and she was regressing to a time when she didn't have to worry about jewel shards and battles. With Shippo, she was simply Kagome – not a shard detector, priestess, or a student.

"It's not fair, Shippo!" Kagome gasped in between fits of laughter, "You cheated!" The little kit made a face.

"I'm a demon. It's not like you can tell me not to use my nose and I won't use it!" At Kagome's skeptical look, his mouth upturned into something that was frighteningly close to resembling the smirk Inuyasha had on his face when he planned to kick a demon's ass. "Besides, Kagome, it's not like I can help it. You smell really strong!" She gasped, and he braced himself for her reaction.

"Oh, that's it!" Suddenly, he was laughing and screaming as she avenged her honor. When their playful battle ended, they lay on the ground, enjoying the soft and cool feeling of the grass still wet from the morning dew. Spring was quickly turning into summer, but none of the trees were ready to relinquish their blooms. The sky was completely devoid of any clouds, the breeze gentle and comfortably chilly.

"This is nice, isn't it Shippo?" She waited for an answer, and when none came, she turned around to find Shippo gone. She sat up, suddenly a little nervous. "Shippo?" Glancing around, she found no trace of the kit. "Shippo, this isn't funny…" Then, everything went black. It was as dark as a city after a full-blown blackout, as if a divine hand pulled the cord to turn the lights of her mind off. Her eyes saw nothing, her ears heard nothing. All her senses were numbed. What was happening? Where was she?

Miko…open your eyes…

Where am I?

Open your eyes…

* * *

Kagome gasped and sat up as quickly as a drowning woman who just reached the surface of the water. Her eyes snapped open, and she wildly searched her surroundings for any danger. It took a few moments for her mind to register that she had just awakened from a dream. Her heart thundered a storm through her body. She was breathless. Scolding herself severely for falling asleep in the water, she argued with the reasoning that she needed the rest. Once again, Kagome relaxed against the rock, thinking that a hot spring was much better than a bath since the water didn't cool off as time passed. She brought her hands to her face, wrinkling her nose at the pruny texture of her skin.

"I guess I have to get out now…" She stood up gingerly, for the action caused a spell of dizziness that she hadn't expected. Her stomach heaved, and she tensed up, covering her chest with her hands and turning to the tops of the three or four trees above her. Her eyes narrowed - an image of doom to the monsters that watched her hungrily. Even the leader of them shrank back, grateful that he had the ability to blend in with his surroundings. Kagome knew that something watched her. The sensation of a corrupted, poluted, jaki hovered just on the edge of her awareness. Taking another step, she found herself wishing that she knew how to control that barrier power – hell, she would have settled for the ability to control any part of her limited powers.

Not losing eye contract with the tree line, she continued to step towards the shore, fear making her clumsy.

Despite her confusion, she knew one thing. The tugging on her soul was identical to the one she'd felt when she and Sesshoumaru fought against the invisible monsters. Although she was hot from the water, the same, eerie, coldness once again made its home in her heart. Kagome shivered, cursing fate for breaking her arrows and herself for being so helpless. If those things chose to attack now, she would be completely at their mercy. Afraid, she took another step backwards…

And fell.

"Aeee!" She screwed her eyes closed, her face resembling a child getting a shot, and waited for the pain.

It never came.

She cracked open her eyes only to see a pair of white sleeves wrapped around her. At first, she was too shocked to say anything, or to really understand what just transpired. She still stood on the shore – or close to it – and something supported her to keep her from falling. As the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together, she felt like screaming all over again. Her skin caught fire from her mortification, but when she looked up to yell at her savior, she saw that Sesshoumaru wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were trained on the same spot that she had been scrutinizing only seconds before.

The hands holding her up were tense and hard. Kagome's suspicions were confirmed. The wind picked up and gently caressed the twin figures on the shore. Both pairs of eyes were wary as they searched every leaf, every twig, every branch for enemies. Kagome leaned against Sesshoumaru, all embarrassment nearly forgotten, turning her head to whisper a question:

"Do you sense them too, Sesshoumaru?" He gave no outward sign of hearing her at all. The Great Youkai Lord was as still as death, and Kagome couldn't help but feel the traitorous worm of fear squirming out. She snapped her head back to the tree line, hoping beyond hope that there was nothing there and that she could get dressed.

* * *

Her…

_Her…_

**Her…**

All three soundless voices chanted only a single word as they drank in the image of the girl. The leader was surprised – shocked that she could sense them and even more shocked that she snapped out of his illusion. The little priestess was apparently more powerful than he thought her to be. Then again…all those rumors about her being the mistress of the shards had to have some truth in their origin. The corner of his lips turned into a smirk as he eyed the fear on her face.

Perhaps this would be more entertaining than he imagined; perhaps this really would be a hunt after all. He felt an flash of possessiveness towards her. She was his. His prey. If he was under different circumstances, he might have just attacked her, but in this case, he simply wanted to give her a taste of what was to come. The youkai would be no trouble, of course, as the last battle had proven effectively. He ignored him for now. Gathering some of the energy he managed to steal from her during her dream, he used his limited connection to tug and pull on the cord of her bond with the jewel.

He not only saw her reaction – he felt it. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, and her instinctive barrier came up to protect her soul. He saw her bring her hands to her face, saw the blood coming from her ears, and licked his lips in the euphoria of giving her pain.

Soon, little priestess…soon…I will have your eyes… and your soul…


	8. Bitter Partings

**My Hatred, My Obsession**

**Chapter 8: Bitter Partings**

* * *

He had never been one to think of others above his affairs. To be more exact, he had never been one to think of anyone at all. Thus, it could be said with confidence that the situation at hand really wasn't his fault. Anyone with a simple mind could have called him "uncaring", but those who knew him best understood that there was nothing in the world more important to him than what he considered business. Business fueled him; it drove him step by step, day by day to his ultimate goal, and nothing bore more complexity than his thoughts during those long treks. However, when his attention was caught, it could not be shaken easily. Unless, of course, what had caught his attention displeased him; in that case, it would be gone before too much time was spent on contemplating its worth - something he believed to be a "pointless" task. Things that "moved him" into some form of response could usually be classified into two categories: alive and powerful or alive, dangerous, and about to be dead.

The woman trailing behind him, in this case, could not be shelved into either of these organized files in Sesshoumaru's complex mind. She ruled a category all her own – one simply referred to as "the woman". Into it poured all sorts of information that he stashed away for later, for he was hesitant to spend more than a few moments at a time pondering her existence and why such a clumsy, helpless, stupid, and annoying human creature had not been killed yet in a world that he knew favored only the strong. But, then he had to remind himself that not only was she not as stupid as she looked, but that she was also more powerful than he gave her credit for.

Her appearance completely contradicted every solid fact he knew about her. Her gate was not graceful, for she tripped over things much too often, and she was dull in the sensory department to an almost painfully pathetic point. But, despite these negatives, she possessed a keen sense of direction – an uncommon characteristic in a woman. She started her own fire, cooked her own sustenance, and rose earlier than the sun to make sure that everything was ready to go. She was sturdy, too; not a single complaint ever rushed from her mouth to victimize his sensitive ears. Overall, she seemed "unnatural", almost as if she was some crazy mistake of mother nature that had lived against all odds posed its way. Perhaps the strangest of all her conglomerate of qualities, however, was how much peace she brought with her.

She was quiet, to his shock – for he always imagined her as a featherbrained woman who spent much of her time wasting air on words. During their walks now, she hardly spoke a word, unless she asked – often rudely – for a brief stop. During those times, despite his hesitation, he often obliged for those occasions were rare. To be honest, he sometimes forgot that she was even there, so quiet and natural her presence. It was with a start one night that he found her reading a book under the guidance of the fire's light. He hadn't dared to come inspect the makeshift camp until he was certain that she was asleep; doing so would have proven, to his embarrassment, that he harbored the sinful thing called curiosity.

Not words, nor blank pages he suspected might have been looked at to impress him, met his eyes. Not plain letters, nor meaningless numbers greeted him, but higher mathematics! The semi-foreign letters jumped out from their place in what looked like a half-drowned, barely recognizable scroll in the form of a square. It was thick, and as he took it into his hands out of her sleep-numbed fingers, he raised a brow for it was heavier – in human standards – than he had thought. He listed through the pages well into the night, wondering how such a person – much less a woman – was intelligent enough to understand it. What use could she have for mathematics in this time, when women were allowed nowhere near places of knowledge? He briefly entertained the image of her stealing it from some merchant, but quickly dismissed it for he could not see her as a thief.

He should have known that she could not be completely independent. They were only a few days from his brother's village when she ran out of food. He was not well versed in the exercise of caring, and thus, he did not notice that she didn't eat. He merely assumed that she knew what she was doing. And after that, his mind did not stray to her that morning or that evening. He had other things to think of - other problems that he knew his absence must be causing within the walls of his home and those that had to be faced now with the appearance of a new enemy. In fact, it was this that was on his mind in the hot afternoon of the next day when she collapsed behind him.

He continued to walk, for a moment thinking that he should leave her there. But something beckoned to him, and he found himself turning to look at her. After the incident with the invisible beasts, Sesshoumaru was always on his guard. The woman's collapse stood as a sign for caution. His wary, sharp eyes scanned the area around them for any danger, and he tensed the claws of his hand in case of attack. When he sensed nothing but a passing breeze, he focused his attention on the girl. Kneeling down, he put a hand on her forehead and moved her hair away from her face. Once again, an unfamiliar feeling took root in his chest - the same feeling of "confusion" when he looked at her that he only felt sometimes with Rin. But, it was different with her. Rin was a child, and this creature was more of a woman. He himself wasn't sure how she had shed the image of a girl in his eyes, but she had, and the realization was powerful. His clawed thumb ran over her bottom lip in a caress that felt more sensual than curious, her lips feeling as soft as they looked. He barely remembered tasting them in his frenzy of rage that night, and in truth, preferred to forget it.

Coming back to reality from foggy memories, he searched her body for any sign of injury. Remembering the incident in the Oasis, he moved her hair away from her ears to check for any more bleeding. There was none. He knew that she could not have dropped down in exhaustion for their pace had been slow. His hand traveled down her chest to her ribs, and he attempted to feel for any damage to her bones. Once again, his search yielded nothing. He tried to think back to the past several days to pinpoint the source of her illness, absentmindedly running his hand through her hair. Then he remembere the absence of the smell of what she told him was called "ramen". Everything clicked, and he felt annoyance at her for not mentioning the fact that she had run out of food.

She had probably thought that he would not care.

That – for reasons unknown – angered him. He turned her face and inspected the shadows beneath her eyes, the sunburned nose, and the face that was thinner than it had been when he first found her lying feverish upon the shore. It perturbed him to think that he took no measures to prevent the deterioration of her health. It felt somehow dishonorable that she had fallen ill within his care – if being in his company could be known by such a term. He told himself that such a thing would not be allowed to pass again, this time not because he was pestered at having to carry her, but because she had somehow fallen under the temporary title of his charge.

His claw ran along her ear gently, its owner reveling in the softness and fragileness of the appendage. He wondered why he never felt such an engrossment in Rin as he did in this woman. He supposed the answer was simple - unlike this human, he hadn't nearly killed Rin and he certainly never felt the pleasure of kissing her. Suddenly, it occurred to him that he never referred to her by name. He vaguely remembered it -

Kagome…

It was a pleasant name, and he felt the desire to taste it like he'd tasted her lips.

"Kagome…"

Somehow, saying it, feeling it, tasting it, sent a feeling of revulsion descending down into his gut. A single thought circulated in his head –

Mine…

He was repulsed – disgusted and angry. His hand clenched in her hair, his eyes narrowing and his eyebrows clashing into waves of frustration. He felt like a fool; like all the world was his enemy. His surroundings spun, his mind caving in; he knew what was wrong. All of his actions with her had turned out to be mistakes wrapped in the deceptively glittering ribbons of success. He'd tried to keep her at a distance, to destroy her uninvited prowling in his mind, but all his efforts gained him nothing but a feeling of self-hatred. He only served to make himself even more angry. Yet despite everything, he still could feel no animosity towards the fragile creature beneath his hand.

He heard her breathing returning to normal and felt a small thrill go through him. Should he move away from her? He could not let her see that he cared even in the least about her health. He stood, his mind protesting that this would only be confirming her suspicions about him, and hesitated for a moment. Her eyes opened right at that second, and her confused look met his serious one. There was a pregnant silence, the two individuals trapped each within their own womb of pride. She was embarrassed, he was arrogant; neither would ever admit of a weakness. She warily sat up, looking away from his face and closing her eyes. Her cheeks were pink with the self-conscious thoughts that hurried the blood in her face.

"What happened?" A gentle breeze blew by, ruffling the girl's hair and making her shiver. If he noticed, he gave no sign. A light rustling as he stood. His clothing flowed to accommodate his actions.

"You fell…"

The sun was setting now, its brightness parting with the world for another night. When she looked at her companion, Kagome realized that she had never heard him use such a tone of voice. It was a gentle vibration, low and soothing, a pitch that could be called "comforting" if it had been someone other than Sesshoumaru that uttered it. The moonlight tossed handfuls of silver shards into his eyes to mix with the gold already there. She breathed in a silent gasp, her heart throbbing for a moment as she witnessed something she had never thought to see. His hair, animated by the slender, gentle fingers of the chilly evening breeze, moved like liquid mercury, strands of it framing his cheeks. His eyes never left hers, making her body feel numb and unresponsive, as if some sort of spell had been cast upon her limbs. He was still crouching down - apparently unsure of whether to get up or not - but none of her hypothesized indicisiveness lingered on his outer surface. He was sure as ever, completely confident and self-asserting as he always remained. She would have believed him, if it hadn't been for the exotic quality of his voice.

"Fell?"

She still marveled how such a simple thing as a word could completely end a perfect moment. That was exactly what happened in this case. He tore his eyes away from her, his legs pushing him upwards to his full height, and turned away from her, taking away her glimpse to an enigma. His back turned to her, but she didn't have to see his face to feel his mood. It radiated around him, pulsing with his aura and making her shiver.

Sesshoumaru was annoyed…

"Why did you not inform me of such a hindrance? Your lack of intelligence has caused a delay that this Sesshoumaru cannot afford."

Perhaps in this situation, it wasn't exactly her words that ruined everything. She felt the hairs on her nape standing up in irritation.

"My faculties are in perfect working order, Sesshoumaru." Why did she suddenly feel like she was spitting against the wind? In all the time that she spent with this impossible person, she must have realized that getting angry served no purpose. He simply didn't care. She put a hand on her forehead, trying to think of a way to tell him "nicely" that she hadn't "informed" him of running out of food because she thought him an arrogant asshole. Running her hands through her hair, she cringed when her stomach churned.

"I…"

Just do it Kagome…insult him…make him feel bad for a change…

"I…don't know…"

And there it was again - proof that she was too forgiving. Maybe that was why she couldn't let go of Inuyasha. He threw her a careless look over his shoulder, seeming to say "I told you you were stupid". She decided that she wasn't in the mood for another spat with him and stood up. After a moment of wavering dizzily, she crossed her arms on her chest and huffed.

"You didn't have to worry, you know." For a moment, she believed – idiotically – that that had been the reason he stopped. Upon awakening and seeing his gentle eyes, she actually wanted to believe that he cared, that there was something more to him that just a cruel chill. She had to be right…no being could be so cold and alone forever…

"You flatter yourself, woman. I stopped because you were stupid enough to allow your body to cease functioning." Somehow, him saying it in such a commanding tone of voice, his back to her the entire time, made the last straw of her reserve snap. To hell with trying to get along! He was impossible!

"Then why didn't you leave me?!" He felt something within him jump at her scream. His own temper clawed at the sides of his thoracic cavity, roaring and screaming to be set free. He wanted to lash out at her, to put her in her place so that she could - once and for all - know who was in charge. She was infuriating, horribly and thoroughly unbearable. The tension between them had been building ever since the Oasis, and he realized that they had not gone through a single argument in several days. He didn't want to waste his time, he just wanted to throw her aside and move on with his life as if her lips had never touched his, as if her arms had never held him, and as if her voice had never broken the lonely silence that defined his life. His urge to hit her was too strong, and he made the decision to get away from her before he killed her.

"If I'm so stupid, then why didn't you just let me die on the riverbank? Why did you bring me along with you if I'm so useless?!" She made everything entirely too difficult, too impossible to deal with. What did she want of him? Why ask all these useless questions? Didn't she realize that he could not…would not…explain himself to her? His feet were already moving without command in an attempt to keep himself away from her. He would hit her if she said another thing; he didn't believe that he could control himself enough to abstain from silencing her. But, he successfully learned one thing about her in the past few days - she was stubborn. He continued walking, turning out everything that shouted at him. Everything was fine until he heard her demand his attention. Then the sound of her small feet got closer; the thump thump tump of her running footsteps reaching his ears. He could have moved away; he should have; but, he didn't. Blame it all on his weariness of her, on his inability to push away something he hated ever since his birth…

Alone…

He had been alone for too long.

The feel of her pulling on his sleeve, his turning, and her fists grabbing his robes didn't register at first. He saw her mouth moving, but didn't pay attention to what ranted. Her lips mesmerized him, her eyes flaming in their fury. The skin on her cheeks flushed red with her excitement, and suddenly - in that poignant moment - Sesshoumaru knew only that he wanted her silent. His fight with himself was brief, ending right when she succeeded at pulling him by the front of his robes down to look at her. His hands moved forward, entangling in her hair; the air rushed by his face as he pushed her down roughly yet gently, landing on top of her.

Midnight black tresses tumbled and rolled away from her head when she hit the earth. His hand firmly shielded the back of her head from the full force of the fall. He saw her shocked eyes, heard her heart rate explode, and felt the little drop in temperature against his mouth when she gasped in shock. His lips were on hers before she could let out any sort of protest. He tasted her as he had wanted to do for some time now, and he couldn't help but feel the wonder of satisfaction. She freed one of her hands from beneath his weight and tried to push him off. He could sense her fear, and he assumed that their earlier encounter stood as the cause. Her small fist hit him on his arm, the blows registering as much pain as a fly would cause. He growled in warning and trapped the offending limb in his hand, returning to fully focus on ravaging her mouth.

Eventually, she quieted and relaxed in his hold; she responded to him, her throat vibrating with a small sound that could be interpreted as either fear or pleasure. His mind was foggy, his vision hazy and unfocussed. The beast in him was taking over, and his rational side was too powerless to do anything about it. He loosened her hand and she dug her fingers into his hair, his own sliding down her body to move her into a more comfortable position beneath him. With a quick movement, he wrapped her right leg around his waist while he held the other in place in much the same fashion. It was difficult not to hurt her, for she was much smaller than him; too much of his concentration was delegated towards not crushing her. She pushed weakly against him, and he broke the kiss when he felt that she was in distress. Her breathing was heavy, her eyes half-lidded and languid, but even through her dark red blush and dazed look, he could see the shadows that carved muddy dirt tracks beneath her eyes.

"Sesshoumaru…" Her voice was small, tired, fearful, and he thought that she had good reason to fear for her safety at the moment. Seeing him lose control in such a way must have surprised her, and he felt a cloud of something akin to "déjà vu" pass over him. This was too similar to that night. The differences were few but important; he wasn't half-crazed and injured, and she wasn't trying to escape from him. He saw her getting ready to speak, but he quickly cut her off. His teeth grazed her collarbone and he felt her shiver. His logic rushed forth, quickly trying to rescue what little was left of his control. No! He would not degrade himself in such a manner! Rutting with a human woman was disgusting; he would not repeat his father's mistake. But her smell, her taste, her touch melted away any ice he tried to build. No one had touched him this way in centuries - given him this kind of proximity, this kind of sensation. He hadn't touched a woman this intimately ever since his father's demise, and he hadn't planned on it.

Power…that was all he wanted…

Power was all and everything in his life. Who needed momentary pleasure? Who needed a satisfaction that would last a mere fragment of a second when power could make such a feeling last a lifetime? That had always been his way; he vowed upon his father's ashes that he would not be known by how he was brought down, but by how great he was in life. This woman meant nothing; she was simply a stage, a road block in the way of his attaining what he wanted. And that was how he would treat her. Her fingers stilled in his locks, seemingly frozen by the sudden cold that radiated from him. Her confused look struck a cord in him that he struggled to snap once again. He pushed away from her, standing and looking at her through the same icy mask he wore for the rest of the world. She meant nothing; he could not afford for her to mean anything.

Sesshoumaru!

Her voice from long ago reached his ears. In his memories, he saw her aiming an arrow at him, and relived again that fateful moment when he saw her as a potential opponent. He had known even then that she would prove to be more trouble than she was worth, but had tossed aside that notion as quickly as he conceived it. How wrong he had been… In her eyes now was the same determination that always caught his eye. Those eyes were hard – stubborn and fiery, just like the rest of her. He had been a fool to think that he could bring her with him; had been a fool to think that he could forget the flame that she ignited in him with her disobedience. Perhaps that was why he felt that he still couldn't let her go; he wanted her, but he couldn't let the world see what she had done to him, and it was this frightening understanding of their relationship that pushed him to drive her away.

"Sesshoumaru…"

There were so many meanings in that single repetition of his name; no multitude of words put together could combine to mean so much. It was a question, a denial, and a plea for understanding that he had no power to grant. He gave no mercy; he showed no compassion to anyone who begged for it; he could do nothing different here.

"Why?"

Had she remained silent, perhaps he could have possibly spared her, but she doomed herself the moment the air left her lips to point out to him just how confused he still was. He would not hurt her; he couldn't now, with all these things running through his mind; but he needed to be rid of her.

"Leave."

He heard a small gasp of surprise behind him.

"I no longer require your services. You are free to go."

There was something desolate in his release of her, something that he regretted for a moment before taking the first steps to what would become his journey away from her. No arguments, no tears, nor hateful words emerged to give him any reason to remain, and the loss of these things that he considered loathsome felt greater than the anger that festered within his chest. He heard her moving, the sounds of her packing decreasing in volume as he put more distance between them, and wondered for a moment how she would make it back to his brother.

Sesshoumaru! The next arrow goes into your heart!

Funny how ironic it was that it already had. She was deeply carved into his memory – the vision of a proud woman, a woman who feared no task, no burden, and no responsibility.

A woman whose pride was now hurt…

* * *

Three days.

It had been three days since her bitter parting with Sesshoumaru.

For once in her life, she was lucky. The sun was not as terribly overbearing as it had been in the last few days, and it looked as if the skies would hold their tears for now. She lived off the land during those days, scavenging for berries and nuts and hoping beyond hope that what she ate was not poisonous. It was also sheer fortune that she stumbled onto a riverbank, where she could fill up her dwindling water supply. But then, the problem of knowing where exactly she was going still remain. She chose to follow the river, thinking that it would be better to have a continuous water supply rather than just wandering around in the middle of nowhere without any sustenance. During the day, her personal emotions had to be put aside in favor of wariness. She still had no arrows, meaning that she was pretty much defenseless. Her ears always listened though, her body tense and on the edge should anything happen to attack her. The forest stayed eerily quiet, but she eventually did get used to being alone. She kept telling herself that this was a good experience, and that it was only for her benefit to develop a sort of independence from Inuyasha and any other strong protector. In a way, she considered that this may have been what she wanted all this time…

The feeling that she could take care of herself…

Who didn't want to feel that way? After Kikyo's blunt accusation that she was a "foreigner" and did not belong in this world, Kagome had desperately wanted to somehow bind herself with this era. Inuyasha was not enough for that; she still loved him, the fool, with all her heart and soul; Kagome was sure that if she had to die for him to live, she would give her blood. But, he was still not enough. His connection was with Kikyo, and her voice always rang in Kagome's head:

You cannot be with Inuyasha!

Go back to your own time!

At the time, she'd listened. Had it not been for Inuyasha's calling, she would have remained in her era, mourning for the loss of a love that was hopeless from the beginning. But love couldn't be hopeless, could it? Wasn't it considered strife and suffering if it was? No - Kagome was sure that she loved him. Inuyasha was everything to her, along with Sango, Shippo, and Miroku. Kaede and her village became a second home and family for her, but even they were not enough to anchor her here. Every time they fought a demon, every time they got in trouble, wasn't she the one that always got kidnapped? Wasn't she the one that always hid behind their backs while they took the brunt of the attacks? Well, she was tired of that, had been tired of it for three long years out of the four that she spent here. The desire to become stronger for her own sake grew day by day.

An image suddenly popped into her head - a picture memory from long ago…

I just…I feel so helpless…I'm useless…all I do is hurt you all the time…

So you ran away?

Inuyasha's voice had been convicting, the echo within the realm of the God Tree stabbing into her a question that that plagued her for a long while.

No…I…

"I was simply…afraid…"

Afraid that her doubts would manifest themselves into reality; afraid of herself; afraid of her confusion…

By the end of the day, the sun slipped into its daily slumber, allowing the moon to dominate the sky. Its blue light shone off of the water brightly, creating a breathtaking effect. The sight was so brilliant, that for a moment, Kagome felt compelled to stop and marvel at how such a simple scene could be so beautiful. She urged herself into movement reluctantly, knowing that she couldn't last much longer on her own. The stars confused her; they were hard to make out and vague in their direction, and Kagome felt her hope of ever reaching Inuyasha falling further with each night.

Her feet missed a step, stumbling…

She felt a churning in her abdomen and sat down, hoping that resting for a moment would calm her sudden nausea. A searing pain tore through her, a feeling that was different from hunger. She put her hand to her mouth, slipping her bag off her shoulder and running to the nearest thicket. The bile was burning, sickening, and foul. It singed her throat as she emptied the contents of her stomach onto the forest floor. The heaving wouldn't stop. Even when she was sure that she had nothing left inside her, the painful contractions continued. When it was over, she fell limply to the floor, her head spinning crazily. Up and down were words that made no sense in those moments; colors flooded her vision: red, green, blue, white, purple – until she wasn't sure who she was or where she lay. The colors eventually faded into dark blots in her eyes, and she forced herself into a sitting position. Her hands trembled, the muscles weak from what she assumed to be poison.

"I knew those things didn't look right…"

But what choice did she have? She tripped over herself, making a clumsy path towards the riverbank. The cold water on her face felt good, the illness dissipating temporarily. She interpreted the headache that followed as a sign to make camp. She didn't think that she could go on today. A search of her bag yielded a box of matches; she wasted four before a feeble flame flickered to life. The warmth of the fire, coupled with her returning nausea wiped all traces of rational thought from her mind. She didn't even bother to untie her sleeping bag, dropping, instead, to the forest flood in exhaustion.

* * *

He watched her, knowing fate was too kind. The priestess lay completely defenseless now, a perfectly clean slate upon which he could carve out his desires. She would be even more receptive to him now, and he crept closer to her. Reaching out his scaly, misshapen fingers, he summoned the energy from around him, focusing it into his palms. The small flame of her fire chaotically fought for a moment before giving in to its inevitable death. In the wake of it, a cold settled into his body that he welcomed with glee. The beast watched as the heated energy from his hands wiggled and writhed around the girl's aura, hitting and biting into it in an attempt to enter. If it wasn't for her illness, perhaps the job would have been harder, but sick as she was, everything went all too easily. Her body glowed for a moment before her eyes opened. As if a she was a puppet strung up in tight coils of a fishing line. Her body moved without will into a kneeling position. He chuckled and walked to her, putting his fingers on his chin.

"So nice to see you bowing to me, priestess…now we shall see how useful you can be." He was helpless to stop the laughter that bubbled from his chest, imagining already the thousands of ways in which he could kill her comrades – one by one by one…


End file.
